joce

2009-03-12T03:17:00.003+11:00

i've moved.!
tis' blog has served me well the past few years, but..

that's the end, scaree-w.

2009-03-02T02:28:00.002+11:00

TABITHA!

Dont know if you still read this tab, but HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY!

:) thanks for inviting us to your bbq! i think it meant a lot to us, well at least to me. because of the age variance and other stuff, i know that we're not as close as you are to your other friends, but i'm really glad that we can still be a part of your life, and to witness how you have grown over the years!

on a personal note, thank you for being a sister to me! and all the joys and laughter (especially) you've brought into saltshakers all these years. thank you for being real.. for the good times, and the bad. we've come a long way and i hope that we'll still have a long, long way to go :)

for the many misunderstandings, hurts, conflicts, squabbles.. i'm sorry if i've hurt you in anyway, but i'm thankful for the times we've been through all these stuff and have grown. though i dont often say it, but you know that you're a sister i (we) love. happy birthday, tab!

2009-03-02T02:05:00.002+11:00

been a while since i've blogged! :) i guess i've somewhat lost the interest in blogging, really. i think i'm becoming more private as i grow older. or maybe it's a growing up thing. it feels scary when you dont know who's reading your thoughts exactly!

ANYWAYYY.

i've had a pretty good week of rest and studying! haha sounds contradictory. i've spent a lot of time in school this semester, and i dont really like it.. so i'm glad to be able to snooze at home (though i've had many proj meetings!) and enjoy the comfort of my bed and just being alone to rejuvenate myself. ready to finish the other half of school :) cant wait for holidays already! whee.

at least my week ended up on a high note :) sometimes i feel that it's quite >< to have to do youth stuff (even though admittedly, there isnt really much!), but i think that each (okay, most!) sunday brings me much joy. worshipping together as a Family, playing games, eating lunch, bible study.. fellowship rubs a lot onto me, and i do look forward to spend time with them in a way that i've not quite had the past few years actually. all glory to God, really. cant imagine how these few years would have past without Him. nevertheless, it's still a long way to go, for the youth group, for each individual, and for myself as well. much more seeking to be done, and a constant need to remember that programs are not the most important. life change is.

many of the youths are going through a period of change. some are graduating from uni and poly, some are entering into uni and poly, others have entered the workforce, some others struggle with transitions from primary school and secondary school alike, some are going to serve the nation and yet others are going to be released from army soon. it's a year of changes, transitions, and moving from season to season.. may God watch over each of us and watch our hearts, so that each change be a positive and a good one.

***

talking about the sacred things, i was reminded of the things that i hold very dear to my heart. relationships, friendships and family. in each of these areas, i've experienced having lost things and people.. but God is faithful, He gives and He takes away. i really hope that i will be able to have all things, but possess none. to live with open hands. it was rather awkward to share about him in front of so many people (the circle of trust is big big), but it was necessary to testify to God's goodness in my life.

He never said you'll only see sunshine
He never said there'll be no rain
He only promised a heart full of singing
at the very thing that once brought pain

Give them all, to Jesus.

2009-02-14T04:21:00.002+11:00

love always perseveres.

maybe letting go isnt the best way to go about doing things.

anyway, i'm truly grateful for isaac's call a night ago. very timely indeed. as i heard abt what God is doing in his life and how he's really bursting with passion for Him, i really felt very encouraged, yet strange as well. it's the kind of feeling that i havent had for a long, long time. the kind of excitement of serving the Great King, the kind of joy of sitting at His feet and enjoying Him for who He is, the kind of vulnerability and dependence of relying on the Father, and the comfort of hiding under the wings of the Almighty. it was a weird feeling indeed. but it was a reminder to keep seeking Him no matter how difficult it is. and He will reveal, He will.

God somehow always sends you at the right time.

2009-02-05T03:51:00.003+11:00

after reading a certain someone's blog, it suddenly hit me that it's finally time to let go and honestly, seriously move on. while it makes me feel more strangely comfortable and justified to hang on to certain things, i know it will do me much good to finally just, you know, take a deep breath, and let go and move on.

there are more needful things to do, more important things to think about. church, crusade, DGs, and God's work. and while you've gone on, i need to stop being weighed down by unfulfilled expectations, overdued promises and regrets and go my own way. i havent felt this relieved for some time.

anyway, i've had a really eventful and good week so far! meeting people and catching up :) mon, i met kor for a short half an hour, but it just felt so good, you know, just kor kor and mei mei, eating and chatting. on tue, i finally dragged myself to frisbee and it turned out so much fun! i mean i've always known frisbee IG's fun, but it's just the initial part of getting down to the field that is tough. we played till 9pm! so late :D but i really didnt want to leave man! hahaha.

met up with pearlie buddy today and we went walking around, catching up and talking about random stuff :D it was so good, i do miss her! she gave me a tatt-teddy thingy, that forms a whole with another half, which she's keeping. it says, "always friends". i was quite touched, cos.. it's been a long long long time since someone said "friends forever" or something to that extent to me. i mean, i'm not a believer of "forever"(s), but just the thought really moved me. while i dont really hold high hopes of Friendship in my life, i'm really thankful for the ones that have made an impact on my life. and to pearl, i really hope we will always be friends, certainly.

there's LM tmr and cell on friday. all my nights are burnt! got to hit the books nowwwwwww.

thank God for the time well spent with people anyway!

2009-01-30T03:04:00.002+11:00

this blog has been neglected! time to close it down pretty soon.

though i havent been studying much, i feel like i'm so busy everyday! but i really want to thank God for giving me my year 4 module, and for the change in the credit system, which meant that i could do with just five modules this semester! :) really a load off my shoulders. it's quite funny how God answered my (desperate) prayer. i admit i really struggled with trusting God, but i'm glad that God still chose to be faithful in this way.

having just read one of the OCF-er's blog, i really really miss OCF! :( sadly, i havent really been in contact with any of them, except one or two. i guess i've been forgotten too, but.. it's inevitable and i was prepared for that. but i really do miss my cell group and all the times we had. and i miss the lazy days in melbourne, and i miss marketing! melbourne feels like a dream right now, and i'm hoping that i'll be able to do my Masters in melb U once again.. but, it shall all be in God's plans, and i must keep my options open.

DG turned out to be pretty good, though i was really scared honestly! but i was excited as well, and glad to meet up with the girls after so long! :) hope to really spend more quality time with them this semester, as two of them will be gone for SEP (ohhh bring me along please!) the coming semester.

other than that, i really dread school everyday. modules this semester arent really very heavy, but i just dread school so much. i dont know if it's withdrawal from SEP, but nothing pretty much excites me about school anymore. i know i should make the best out of what i am doing now, knowing that my modules really didnt come easy. but but this semester has been an extremely lonely one for some reason, ahhh how i am going to survive.

let me sing, Your grace is sufficient for me.

on the other hand, things seem to be looking up in saltshakers. even though same old problems remain, and i feel that the responsibilities are no lighter, but it really brings me so much joy when i see the youths united, bonding, reading His Word, and growing. i know the road ahead is still an extremely tough one, but i believe that God will see us through.

2009-01-08T20:31:00.004+11:00

havent blogged in ages. think i'm losing interest in blogging.

it has been a good month of holiday! as much as i dread starting school, i think i'm more or less ready to mug. haha i THINK. oh well, i dont have many more sems of school life left. really hope to make the best out of this semester!

had Dig In from tues till today, but i left yesterday back to the heartlands to celebrate lyanna's belated 21st! it was so funny, we had such a good laugh cos lyanna just is a clownnn.

our dumbest photo of 2008-2009. we just have to have one every year!

we've been friends for nine years already! :) really amazes me how we stick through these years. i truly believe that the friends who will stick with you through life are your secondary school friends. they've probably seen the most childish, most vulnerable and the worst of you, and if they are still close to you after so long, they'll stick for a looong time.

****

Dig In, the NUS crusade retreat, was pretty good as well. got to catch up with people i havent seen for a long timee. well, wasnt as weird as i thought it would be, thankfully! also had a good time of being silent before God and sorting out certain issues. i know i still have a long way to go and i really need a dose of His grace and presence each day. there's a reason why we have to eat of this daily bread everyday, cos it takes less than a day for my heart to start wandering off again.

this' my lovely team 03. it was good to get to know the year 1s and also, my DG-mate-to-be, michelle. she's so duper sweet, and i'm glad i got this chance to know her better!

me, deb, grace, huiqi.

the night was well spent catching up and talking with girls! girl talk :) hearing stories and juicy little secrets. it was hilarious! i really love these little chats.

we had a very short "awkward" conversation about best friends. i realize that after having a guy best friend for almost 6-7 years of my life, i've sorta forgotten how to be a close/best friend to girls. i think i'm much less sticky and dependent than other girl-friends are.. well trained by isaac ho. if i dont have a sister (whom i still snuggle up to) and a godsister (whom i regard as close as a best friend, and super huggable) all these years, i think i will not know how to act like a girl-friend in time to come.

i realize i that in some weird way, i fiercely protect the term "best friend" even though it is just a name or a status. maybe cos i've long committed to protecting the place you have in my heart, and your very importance to me as a friend. or maybe i'm just too idealistic, and i have way too high standards of a best friend.. so high that i think i cant be one myself.

but i'm really glad for the friends who have come close these recent years.. sha, a friend who sticks closer than a sister; jw, who has been a faithful friend through the thick n thin; laozhong, most true and sincere; lyanna and sarah, whom i feel we have been friends all of my life; deb, whom i regard half-a-twin.

thank God for Friendship, something that models closely to our intimacy with Him.

****

i spent the whole afternoon spring cleaning my room! dumped 5 big bags of rubbish! i looked through the little trinklets, gifts and cards that i've kept since i was 10, and it really amused me so much. i looked through my boxes of sentimentals, and i'm half amused and half puzzled by past relationships. how intense they were, but now, some of us have become fleeting strangers. well i thought of throwing them away, but couldnt bear to in the end. they are fond memories to keep.

after all the cleaning, packing and dusting, i've sustained two cuts and one blue-black. haha talk about being clumsy.

no doubt, many things have changed since i was in my teens. i would say my friendship circle has shrunk, but these friendships have also deepened over the years. family has moved up the ranks to become most important. i've moved from knowing God to experiencing God. moved from thinking that i'm a goody Christian to a struggling Christ follower. well, these are good changes i suppose.

i wonder what 2009 holds.

2008-12-26T02:18:00.003+11:00

Blessed Christmas! :)

we pulled the skits off! :) turned out pretty fine i think. it was a good celebration, and some of us youths hung around after most of the people left, it was a good time!

in the last skit, i played a girl who struggled to give over the control of her life to Jesus. really caused me to think a lot, about my own real life. i'm sure seeds were planted in the hearts of the people, and in our hearts as well. hopefully, one day these seeds will take root and God will grow them into trees that bear fruit.

God with us, Immanuel has come

2008-12-20T05:17:00.011+11:00

:D havent blogged in a while!

just visited unc hong and unc eric & family at some christmas carnival their church organized. good to see them. but sadly, we didnt talk much cos they were all rather busy.

honestly, it felt kinda weird. i was reallly really excited to see them (erin could testify! we were giggling like mad while walking there!) but i guess God has taken each of us on very different paths..

a lot of what-ifs surfaced in my mind, and sometimes i begin to wonder what my place is in the Church and in my church. after so much that has happened, i guess God has been teaching me a lot about forgiveness and faithfulness. a lot of times i wonder about this person or i may judge another person, but this short few verses reminded me that i just need to be faithful to whatever and wherever i'm called to.

(John 21:19-22)
Then he said to him, "Follow me!"
Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?"). When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?"
Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."

instead of always judging or comparing others, i should really just reflect upon myself first.

and so, i must not look bad, but look forward, and really cling unto God's promises.

***

church camp: 15-18th Dec; holiday inn, batam

took many photos but i cant seem to post all of them up! ARGHH. nevertheless, these should suffice. anyway there's always facebook! hah.

erin! my cam partner! she's so photogenic! we took soo many photos together!

mary ann and i- glad to have had a good talk with her on one of the morns! :)

us, trying to act, cool.

we went shopping at Nagoya city!

the oldies- the twenty-ones!

the girls i hung out with most during the camp! kinda miss them. a little, little bit only. hahah.

gab and sarah (tan) disturbed me on the last night. we invited the kids over to play some games, and it was a HUGE mistake to swap beds with mary ann (who wanted to zzz earlier). so i ended up being tortured from 11.30-2am. it was so fun though. i really wanted to sleep but i tried hard to stay awake cos we were having little funny chats (and digging out secrets! woo). but being almost twice their age, i couldnt take it at 2am and practically begged for their mercy.

i even tried running out of the room, but those two monsters pinned me down alright.

even though quite a few youths ps-ed us this time, i really really thank God for the chance to get to know some of the kids and youths-to-be better. i think i'd never get the chance in church otherwise cos they actually said i have a face that seem(ed) like i was looking down on them so they didnt like to talk to me. hahaha how could they. broke my heart. i look so friendly okay! hahahahha.

and it's so weird, but in some funny weird way, i think i'm really starting to like them. i mean i've always liked kids, but to like them individually is a whole new level for me. i wont say that i love them yet, but hopefully (and i'm sure it will happen) i will grow to love them. they are a lovable bunch.

the heart of a youth leader is first, to love God; then to love the people they are serving.

of course there were times when my patience was really tested during the camp, but i think i'm learning to decide to love. to make love a decision more than just a feeling. to decide to love someone. just like trust. even though there are times we fail each other, we can still choose to trust the other despite the doubts.

anw, i really missed the other youths very much! remembering the past few camps and all the stuff didnt make me feel better! but but i was relieved of my love-sickness when i finally got to call isaac and sha (and tab, who preferred to webcam with ahem ahem!) and just talk to them. really made my whole day, and even now.

and so, it was a good camp! i learnt a lot from Dr Mah's sessions as well- OT survey! it was really interesting and it's getting me all excited about reading OT. cos there is just so much packed in these books. God is amazing.

***

also had a short family trip to hongkong! gave my bro a surpriseee!! it was really really fun, and i think kor contributed most. his jokes were so lame and funny! i really miss him and i'm soo looking forward to see him next week :D

we did a lot of fun stuff! played scrabble, snap (!!! :D), anagrams, and sang K! disneyland was fun fun too! think this was the best holiday i've had with my family so far.

okay! random photos! we took like 400 plus photos! :D

mummy was so afraid we'd fall off the escalator!

where is my prince charming on white horseee!!

exploring adventureland

and so we conquered disneyland!

we went to sing K! it was so so fun!

my bro has worked out so much muscles over the last few months!

love this pose! we look victorious!

2008-12-08T13:32:00.002+11:00

currently in school trying to print out some stuffss. as i took the tram down to melb uni, i felt an unexpected wave of sadness.. i'm so going to miss this place.

thank God that i made it here.

gonna miss the ho twins.
gonna miss OCF.
gonna miss the crazy melbourne weather.
gonna miss my soy latte.
gonna miss sushi rolls.
gonna miss melb u.
gonna miss "howdaya", "itz alright~".
gonna miss the laidback lazy culture
gonna miss friendly aussies.
gonna miss melb uni gym.
gonna miss the night sky and the stars.
gonna miss the fresh air.
gonna miss the personal space.

gonna miss melbourne.

2008-12-05T06:51:00.002+11:00

tab's going to be arriving in an hour's time! :) i'm excited, at least i can meet her for a few days! maybe it's the fact that she's also coming from sg, bringing something that feels familiar to australia.. i'm all packed and spent yesterday moving everything. said goodbye to my wonderful, stuffy room and housemates. wish i'd made more effort to know them better, but alas, too late for regrets.

i've done two things that i totally regret in just two days. i think the worst feeling in this world is regret. i spent some time alone thinking about everything yesterday. but i guess thinking or feeling bad about it will in no way help solve problems. hence i turned to emotion-focused coping for a few hours- watching drama and just laughing my guts out. lol.

laozhong said i'm an idealist in a realist world. i guess i am. i always think i'm being very realistic about things, but in the end, i still live in this world full of my stupid ideals.

i think honesty and trust are the most most most important elements in a relationship. once they're broken, they're (almost) impossible to be rebuilt. cos some things are valuable because they are fragile.

i still cant seem to come to a conclusion if coming to aust was a good choice in that aspect. it's like my ideals come crashing head on to reality, and maybe it'd have been better to stay in little singapore and continue to live in my own ideals and just not know how reality hurts.

okay, i shld stop being so emo! i need to go back to sg with a big smile! :) :) :)

i absolutely loathe the fact that my emotions are all written on my face, hence i've kind of mastered the skill of smiling in all circumstances. but according to human psychophysiology, supposedly the fake smile lacks the involvement of zygomatic major (the smile muscle).. i guess that can be learnt too? and i need to learn to lie through my eyes (not my teeth!). i always believe that eyes are the most expressive instruments of the facial expression. look into someone's eyes and you look into his/her inner soul.

i'm sorry for being a bad friend, i think it'll save you a headache to find another better one. and to realize that maybe, you've long done so.

2008-12-02T15:41:00.005+11:00

back from Great Ocean Road and the Grampians :D

it was a very very good trip, except for the long long hrs of bus ride, that left me a bit groggy and grumpy! but each time, the scenery, the mountains, the skies, the ocean, just.. took my breath away. very very beautiful. really couldnt take it in sometimes.

those were the moments that God's handiwork just amazed me completely and i wonder, how can anyone doubt the existence of the Creator God.

i really enjoyed the Grampians (over Great Ocean Road). it just blew me away.

i think the prettiest sight was the night sky though. filled with so, so so, sosososo many stars! the Orion, the Seven Sisters (i think?), and a million stars that lit up the night sky. it was so so so beautiful, i just cant find the right words to describe how it was. that's a memorable sight i'll never forget.

okay, just some random pictures that we took. pictures do not do justice to the beautiful scenery. :)

***

i wish we can just always speak our minds. but sometimes we just dont do so, cos we dont want to hurt the other party. but in the end, in hiding or trying to reason away, we end up building walls in our friendships unconsciously.

i'm glad we "trashed" things out. we've not come to a good conclusion or common ground though (haha). but underneath all the "oh my goodness"(es) and exasperated "whatever"(s), i've come to appreciate the underlying mutual understanding that all these arise because we care deeply about each other and about the friendship. and for that, thank God! :)

2008-11-28T23:33:00.008+11:00

it's times like this that i am especially especially thankful for God-fearing friends! :)

thank you two, for reminding me to be principled and not to compromise on anything! thank you for saying things that i needed to hear, and not what i wanted to hear. even though you all are younger, your words/opinions/advice bear a lot of weight in my life.. cos i know that you two love God, and love me, and that's enough :)

this little "incident" brought me back to discovering He who never compromises. whatever He says, shall be done, and He also demands full obedience from us. there's no hint of darkness in Him, and i stand in awe of His Holiness. in a world where what's right and wrong becomes subjective (so that we can rationalize our actions), i am thankful that He is the Truth. with the capital T.

off to Great Ocean Road for the weekend :D

and looking forward to next week with the twins and tab! tab, hurrry uppp! :D

2008-11-25T19:27:00.000+11:00

i miss, i miss!

2008-11-24T11:19:00.003+11:00

my laptop "h" and "n" keys have fallen out of place and my fingers are cramping from typing :(

i guess my previous post was a bit heavy, which led to some friends' concern over my "emo-ing". i'm not emo-ing. actually, i'm like that most of the time, and i wish i am actually serious about God all the time so that people wont be freaked out when they realize that i am serious about God.

two more days to the last, last paper!

and it's packing and packing and moving out! i have a serious need for closure, which explains why i'm actually almost packed though i'm still weeks away from home. partly cos i look forward to going back in some very weird sense, and partly cos i just need to pack. i wonder if it's in the genes? :D

and friday, it's DFO and late night shopping with michelle :)

2008-11-22T11:54:00.004+11:00

melbourne's weather is really really unpredictable. it was rather warm last afternoon, then it started pouring in the night and it's super duper cold right now :s i think i'm going to fall sick soon, after running in the rain and wind to ocf last night :(

a few friends have been asking me how i feel about going home, and if i will miss my friends and melbourne. i told them that honestly, i really dont know. in some way, i feel that i (humans in general) am very unpredictable, just like the weather over here. i won't know until i'm back in singapore and the reality of leaving this lovely place hits me. or maybe i'll be so happy to be home?

i've always thought i'm quite a sentimental person and a rather faithful friend, but looking back, i realize that i've probably let a few of my friends down as well, like ST, C and CH (i'm sorry). humans are very adaptive creatures, we adjust to changes and the absence of people in our lives very easily. we take things and our loved ones for granted. as time passes, the things (and people) that (whom) we swear matter most to us at some point of time no longer stand anywhere in our hearts and lives. we are just so prone to breaking promises, and to, forgetting.

i've figured the friend i let down most is God. i've let him down countless times, i dont even remember a time when i was faithful to Him. i've always complained when friends and family seem to forget me when just a while ago they've said how much i do mean to them, but ironically, i keep forgetting about the God i claim to love over and over and over again. i'm just too forgetful, but forgetfulness is no excuse.

i've forgotten about His goodness in my life. how He has provided and blessed me in so many ways specifically. how He held my hand through the low periods of my life and calmed the raging storms in my heart. how He saw me through the difficult trying periods when i hung onto Him. how He rescued me from the pits. how He chose to give His life for mine.

no, i'm not talking about Bible knowledge, but about real experiences with the Father. man, i've cast them away for too long.

and i know that even after i've reflected on this, i will continue to let Him down in so many ways. as the song goes, "my heart is prone to wander, prone to leave the God i love".

these few months in melbourne have been very much, worry-free. there's really nothing much that i worry about, and times are good. but as the song I Need You sings, just when i think that i've got it all together.. i miss Your sweet embrace. i suppose this season of emptiness has served another purpose, in showing me that i dont just need God in the bad times, i need Him even in the good.

4 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, 5 and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, 6 to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' 7 tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."
8 So the Israelites did as Joshua commanded them. They took twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, as the LORD had told Joshua; and they carried them over with them to their camp, where they put them down. 9 Joshua set up the twelve stones that had been [a] in the middle of the Jordan at the spot where the priests who carried the ark of the covenant had stood. And they are there to this day.

i guess we must remember to build our own "memorials", and really remember the Lord's goodness in our lives. hope that in future, my children will also see these memorials in my life, and i will be able to testify of His goodness as well.

2008-11-21T12:52:00.005+11:00

today's a very special dayyy!! :D

happy birthday pearlie buddy!! :D
Туған күніңіз құтты болсын!

i realize all our photos are from CA! need to take more and more photos when i go back! :) really thank God for a good friend like her. i dont usually click with people very easily due to my extremely passive nature, but pearl's a rare exception. :) so happy birthday pearlie buddy..

since i've come to aust, there have only been a few who really make the effort to stay in touch with me (other than my family of course :) hehhh), esp pearl, deb, neo & lyanna. and i'm thankful for them. it's nice to know that some friendships dont just die away so easily :)

it'll be the same too, for us (yes u two twins), when i go back to singapore yah! :)

and and and

happy belated birthday sarah neo

will give you a call tonight :D

2008-11-19T08:16:00.003+11:00

received an email from pearl buddy in kazak!! (on the morning of my first paper)

really really really cracked me up.. though i dont understand a single word! okay maybe "you, how, are" i sort of do. i recognize "exams" too! what a 'universally recognized' word. haha.

i'll translate it letter by letter after thursday! wheeee~

2008-11-13T18:34:00.005+11:00

what was supposed to be BodyStep turned out to be BodyCombat (MU gym changed schedule) and it was sooo fun! a series of boxing techniques with fast-paced music :D haha i nv quite coordinate the moves and the music in other gym lessons despite knowing how to play a bit of drums. but 'boxing' today was way fun, and i think i actually kept up with the pace and enjoyed myself thoroughly!

i felt so 'violent' though, waving my fists and kicking in the air. reminds me of why i was nicknamed wonderwoman in JC :P

and on a random note, i miss:

2008-11-12T20:59:00.002+11:00

it's getting really really hot these days. my room is like a sauna :( :( :( and there's no aircon or FAN! my mother couldnt believe it when i told her there isnt a fan in this room. hahaha. seriously, the heat is killing meeeeee. plus i dont open my windows, fearing that the mozzie will return and feast on my face once again. aye, i've had dengue experiences okay! not funnyyy. :(

it's been so so boring, just studying and fusing into the chair everyday. both my shin(s?) are injured real bad this time, and i havent been out running for four days already! mann. i have to find some "excuse" to go out everyday, like Safeway grocery shopping, eating BreadTop (similar to BreadTalk! haha) at MC, just so that i can at least move my legs a bit. but it's so hot, i'm sweating even in the room!

jerusha ho! hurry finish ur exams (tmr!!!) ahhhh. pls ask me out! time is runnniinnnggg and i havent spent much time with you! and i'm sooo happy for you and tab!! :D finally it's over :D

i have nthng exciting to blog abt actually.

LF has only ONE series in 2009?!! :( :( i'm so going to complain to TVB :( :(

i have started a new "hobby"! hahaha okay this is very silly but anywayyyy i've started writing TV/movie reviews for spcnet (some asian forum) hahaha and i feel so proud reading my reviews and "critiques" on the website. i know this isnt a constructive hobby, but at least it relieves my boredom!

haii. okay, back to Personality.

2008-11-05T23:28:00.004+11:00

i am sooooo proud of you (little) kids, my DG!!!

in the midst of getting ready for exams. while trying to mug a little, i received an email from Jia En :D :D :D

he has accomplished his goal and the DG's goal on the whole! :) haha little goals and secrets that we set before i came to australia! well i didnt expect them to really really keep to them, but they all surprised me, really! i promised the guys some billabong stuff as presents if they accomplished what they set out to do.. actually i've gotten them prez already :)

awww, they are such a sweet bunch of kids. though the guys often drive me (a little) crazy, i feel that we've grown somewhat attached to one another in a certain way. i miss them, i do!

timothy sent me random msgs last week, and i thought something happened to him cos he seemed so insistent that i called him! haha but it turned out that he just wanted to catch up, and we did and it was so good. and then jia en's email was so funny, really made my day! :) lydia.c also emailed some time ago :) and of course, the little chats with dearest erin :) ahhh i feel so blessed.

i rmbr when i first started teaching them, i was rather fearful of the challenges of taking the youngest group (and boys! boys!), but over the weeks, i really looked forward to each DG (i think, more than they did).. i wld redo the materials to make them more interesting because i really enjoyed teaching them.. it's really my desire to see them grow and personally decide to follow Jesus, instead of just being second-generation Christians. and the amazing thing is, God has blessed me much more than i think.

just in little ways like these, while i'm far away in australia. they are such a blessing.

i'm definitely looking foward to teaching them again! DECEMBER! we'll all be reunited! and and and i'm really really really hoping that Lydia.C will be able to come back in december! i miss her! hope to see mary ann still arnd then tooo...oh and glenn and GLENN (erin, you know what to do nowwww!! hahah!)

2008-11-03T10:51:00.005+11:00

i was internet-less the past few days, after exceeding the uniwireless quota! haha i watched Hana Kimi (Jap) and Zettai Kareshi online, that's why!

i had a very good weekend!

on friday, it was our last last CG dinner, and we had a feast at Melayan Inn at Doncaster. the food was so good, and we were all very hungry, we finished 9 dishes in 15 minutes!

(top) gareth, bryan, matt, daniel, jason
(below) philip, me, andrea, xin lyn, milene
(abs) calvin

:) and that's my very lovely cell group. gave out my goodbye notes. i really dont like people to open my prez/cards in front of me, but they purposely did so, and i was sooooooooooooooooo embarrassed. then they started comparing the length of the contents etc etc. thank goodness i usually write quite long anyway! hahaha.

but yeah it was so embarassing my face went all red like a toe-mar-toe.

HAI. wrote "i will miss you guys" 10 times!

on sat, i met up with jon and we had kawfee and soup at Degravers, which was so good! then we were planning to go to brunswick, but ended up at St Kilda's instead cos we took the wrong bus! haha. but it was niceee, since i havent been there. we ate very good (and oily) fish and chips and had cake! :) was a good time of catching up and YES we are going to travel tgther soon!

sunday morning was spent at camberwell market! i finally get to go there! it's soo big. great flea market and i bought some stuff. :) i'm so going back next week again! had a lazy afternoon before going to evening church service. had churros to eat. and i ate at hungry jacks twice cos it's so cheap and the breakfast is pretty good. quite different from burger king though.

SWAT back begins today (is that how u spell it?? haha). the study break. it's still some time before my exams but i'm wishing it will come right NOWW. :( i shall bring maltesers into the exam hall. yay.

**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVONNE! (i hope u get to read this!)

i miss youuuuu!! you've been such a wonderful friend, sister and mentor to me and i thank God for you, really!

2008-10-26T15:54:00.002+11:00

most amused by the things i used to write about in the past. my blog is more than 4 years old.

thought of changing/closing the blog, but i guess the name of this blog will always have a special meaning to me.

anywayyy, i had a really enjoyable time at Empower last night. did a lot of cleaning and washing last night and got all dirty. but i figured that wasnt as bad as the cleaning i had to do in CA. hahaha. i will miss Empower times, and my Empower buddies, and just serving the people. helped me to realize a more meaningful dimension to community work, and to loving the "unlovables".

little things that cheered me up during a terrible week: hahaharold and his long updates about UK. i really miss him and laozhong very much. and it was good to have someone to rant to. chatting with mummy; my mother is fast becoming one of my closer friends already (thank God for this!) and of course, OCF, that always seem to brighten things up.

:) im gg to start exploring melbourne city again!

2008-10-25T01:46:00.002+11:00

i really love and hate fridays :( they make me happy and sad at the same time. today's the last official BS! the advisor prayed for the returnees just now, and i just felt so so so sad. that could well be the last time i'm seeing some of them cos most of the ocf-ers are flying back home in november. i decided to emo a bit so i didnt go for supper. SIGH, i didnt intend to open up so much or get so comfotable that it'd be hard to leave. once again, it's time for writing goodbye notes.

it has been a very terrible week. and it's not pms! URGH.

talk about being vulnerable.. i did a whole lot of thinking this week cos i was so down, and i realize that it's really hard for me to open up to people. no matter how close two friends are, there are always some things you'll keep from the other, sometimes not intentionally. i wonder if there is a friend whom i can be completely open and totally vulnerable with. totally. like a soul-mate. i realize that at one point of my life, there was someone i was so completely vulnerable and transparent with, but that someone walked out of my life soon after. but that was only once.. too risky; and i think it'll be hard to imagine another.

2008-10-20T09:56:00.005+11:00

something i did when i was bored! being a psychology student, i'm quite skeptical when it comes to online personality tests, but anyway this' just for fun!

Your result for The LONG Scientific Personality Test ...

INFJ - the counselor
You scored 18% I to E, 42% N to S, 0% F to T, and 16% J to P!

Your type is best summed up by the word "counselor", which belongs to the larger group of idealists. Only 2% of the population share your type. You are so empathic that you often know what others need before they know themselves. You are a complex person who can deal with complicated issues and people, almost prefer to, as you love problem solving. You can be something of an idealist or perfectionist, and should try to take yourself a little less seriously.You are a supportive and insightful romantic partner, encouraging your mate to have dreams and work hard to make those dreams come true. Because you are so creative, you have a wealth of ideas to help them toward those goals. You need harmony so much that you are driven to resolve conflict quickly, as long as the terms don't violate your ethics. You feel the most appreciated when your partner admires your creativity, trusts your inspirations, and respects your values. It is also vitally important that your partner be open and emotionally available - in other words, that they be willing to share themselves completely.Your group summary: idealists (NF) Your type summary: INFJ

http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/the-long-scientific-personality-test

**

i was quite surprised that the results turned out as so. i dont remember being a INFJ thoughhh. anyway i went to do 3 more personality tests, and my goodness, all of the results showed INFJ too. heh so i went to read up more and this is my fav interpretation of INFJ personality type cos it really sounds like meeee, esp the part where INFJ ppl are often misunderstood as extroverts, when they are really, introverts. I AM AN INTROVERT! i've always suspected that.

Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

***

LYDIA LIAO AND DERRICK LIAO, you should do this test in your own time toooo!! i really want to see how alike we are as siblings, though i highly doubt so! hahaha.

another test: http://www.kisa.ca/personality/

Your personality type is INFJ.
Introverted (I) 82%
Extraverted (E) 18%
Intuitive (N) 55%
Sensing (S) 45%
Feeling (F) 100%
Thinking (T) 0%
Judging (J) 86%
Perceiving (P) 14%

2008-10-19T12:39:00.004+11:00

happy belated birthday ISAAC AND JERUSHA! :D

so glad you two enjoyed the party yesterday. thanks for inviting me! (why am i so polite! hahaha) it was great! BUT BUT where's the birthday speech!!! i was so looking forward to it! hahaha.

:) i shall not go on and on about how thankful i am for you two cos i know you two already know in your hearts how much you two mean to me! im so glad God let our paths cross. it would be so so so different without youuuuu!! <3

有你真好!

2008-10-15T22:40:00.001+11:00

crepes rock my world! YUM!!

just had dinner with cell grp! had hotpot :D it was so good, esp when it's soo cold outside.

two things that shocked me today:

1. my best friend didnt recognize me and walked right past me
2. he has decided to p-s me for philip island

HAHAHAHA.

2008-10-14T20:55:00.006+11:00

all good things must come to an end! :(

had cell grp prayer just now, and we had to share one or two things that we are thankful for in OCF, and i shared about how God has blessed me with this cell group when i actually didnt mean to be attached to OCF in such a short time. man, i really felt like crying already. it's bad bad bad. i thought i would drift in and out of OCF and melbourne, but God has been so good to me. i remember when i first came to melbourne, i prayed that God would just bless me with one friend. one friend that i would keep in touch with when i go back to singapore. but God has blessed me with a bunch of friends that i really grow to enjoy being with, though honestly, i know it'll be very hard to keep in touch since everyone comes from everywhere and most of them will still be in melb. that's what makes me sadder. but i know there are one or two friends i will definitely keep in touch with even after going back to singapore. well, at least one :) heh God answers my prayers so specifically, i can just WOW at what He can do.

sometimes i think God wont care about these small things, but He does. He knows and provides for my every need. though i feel like i've struggled so much spiritually since i came here, i know these are opportunities for me to grow. i really desire to have the desire to know Him. though i feel He has been far away, i know that's cos He wants me to seek Him, to desire Him.. even if i know i'm not yet fully desiring Him, i have to persevere in asking for the desire to seek Him. i'm thankful for all these struggles, because they've made me see my heart more clearly, how sinful it is, and how much i need God in my life.

"my ears have heard of you,
but now my eyes have seen you" (Job 42:3)

2008-10-12T18:26:00.001+11:00

because He lives
i can face tomorrow
because He lives
all fear is gone
and because I know, I know
He holds the future

and life is worth the living
just because He lives.

2008-10-12T16:10:00.003+11:00

as you can see, i'm really feeling very very random despite the fact that i've had a good week! AHH WHY!

i've had quality conversations with people the whole week :)
1. lunch with isaac was good as usual. sometimes just the knowledge that sha and isaac are also in melbourne really comforts me when i'm feeling all alone, though i've made new friends here and there. it's just different i guess.
2. the most random conversations with mummy on skype just made my night. seeing her silly antics and musing over the most random things about family.
3. short (but rare!) emails from papa and kor reminded me of my beloved family (and how broke i am! haha)
4. talking to church girls (during their fri cell) back in sg was very good too. and laughing about mo-mo, the new craze in my cousin's home.
5. a (rather long) chat with gavin! still cant believe he couldnt recognize my sweet voice! hahaha. but it was so good, really needed to catch up a bit.

it would have been perfect if jw was home last night when i needed to rant. AHHH.

had inter-cellgroup captain's ball tournament yesterday. it was pretty good and fun, though i didnt really play much larh. i'm still as clumsy as before, and i fell down twice. what's new. i expected that. haha. it was quite a close fight, and our cell grp came in second! :D we were defending champions (i heard), so some guys were a little disappointed, but welll we gave our best!

went for EMPOWER after that (though i was dead tired) but it was so good. EMPOWER's a community proj by Richmond AOG. every fornightly (or every week, i'm not sure) they cook and serve food to the homeless. they serve very good food in a nicely decorated hall, with a band playing in the background. in some sense, it "empowers" the social outcasts, and i think it's really really meaningful! the menu was lamb with salad, minestrone soup and cake (SUPER GOOD!) with ice cream yesterday. i helped to cut the roasted lamb, and all of us were salivating man. we ate the lamb skin and leftovers! yummy.

though i've been running almost everyday, it was still an intense exercise during the captain's ball game for me. my shin has just died once again (i'm convinced it'll never heal!) and every muscle is aching like mad. i dont even feel like moving an inch. i guess this sorta explains my very lousy mood today, on top of the weather! i'm sweating though i'm only moving my fingers! AHHHHHH. it's like sg weather, but but i have no aircon :( so pampered. hahaha.

shld i walk to lygon to get gelato!? ahh.

2008-10-06T09:44:00.003+11:00

:) Singapore Day at Melbourne: 4th October 2008

it was great fun! really enjoyed myself to the max! i volunteered as well and it was really good. made friends with other Singaporeans, dug at the goodie bags (my role was to give out goodie bags!) and said at least 100 "Hello! Welcome to Singapore Day" and smiled like mad till my cheeks ached. but it was good fun! :)

the food was yummilicious. seriously the best of Singapore food!

okay! some random photos!

PCK! HE WAS SUPER SUPER FUNNY!!!

eating satay! was soo good i licked up everything

i love singapore! :) our volunteers' shirt!

my pass!

this is one of my fav from the goodie bag! so funny!

the long long queues!

bryan and gareth (cell grp!)

the goodie bag! so pretty right.

the sign posts were so funny! i was looking out for AMK but obviously there wasnt.

my goodie bag team!

so it was a day well spent! :)

i had such a good break too. just slacking around and doing (really) nothing at all. sch's starting today, but i still feel like im in a holiday-ing mood. well, actually i dont think i ever really studied hard since i came to melb. i hope i can really really adjust when i go back to the stressful NUS. AHHHHHH.

2008-09-25T20:55:00.003+10:00

i've been having weird dreams/nightmares lately! ><

last night, i dreamt that i was involved in some murder case and it was so super scary. i was just running away and away from the serial killer. i woke up in the middle of the night feeling so so afraid. prayed to my Father, and i had such a good and undisturbed sleep till the next morning!

just now i dreamt that i was married, but as i walked out of the wedding hall, i started to regret (!!! hope this will never never happen in real life!!!). i wanted to throw away my wedding ring, but there were so many rings on my fingers i didnt know which one to start throwing first. and the rings were awful by the way. like lollipop.

hahaha hope i get a good sleep tonight!

off to sydney tmr! :)

2008-09-23T00:12:00.005+10:00

trying out Picasa :D (when i shld really be studying!)

YOU ARE MISSED :)

2008-09-22T11:20:00.003+10:00

:) back from beautiful Lakes Entrance! it was sooo goood :D the scenery was breathtaking, food was yummilicious and the company was great :D really enjoyed myself to the maxxxx.

sigh i forgot to bring my camera, so so i only have to WAIT for others to share their pictures! AHHHHH.

a total of 16 of us from two cell groups went:
ME, matt, jason, daniel, andrea, xyn lin, bryan, cal, philip, gareth
david, justin, dawn, tim, yizhe, joshua

it was a guy-dominated trip, so we brought soooooooooooooooooooo much meat for the BBQ. seriously, at least one cow.

we went on a yatch around Lake Victoria. and it was sooooooooooooo goood! i havent been on a yatch before, and it was a memorable first time. the wind was so strong, the sun was shining (pretty much) and we had so much fun along the waves. dawn and i were screaming at the top of our voices when we went up to the top deck. hahahaha. we did some fishing, but it was futile larh. then headed to Raymond Island to spend a night at the comfy houses.

had our big BBQ. so much meat, seriously. and sweet melted marshmallows. for once, i did quite a bit of the bbqing. hahaha. of course there were many rejects, but it was a good try! we played board games for a while and the highlight of the night was the 4-hour long Mafia game. lol. i never really thought Mafia was that fun, but it was sooo fun and exciting. seriously, like survivor style. the atmosphere was tense at a few moments! haha. it was so interesting and we discovered good players and actors amongst ourselves. tsk tsk. the game was so good we were still talking about it yesterday!

do u know ur pupils dilate when u are lyinggg.

and i realize that i'm not quite a good liar. hahaha. and cal seems to be able to read my expressions quite accurately it's not funny. hahaha.

we slept at about 3 plus and woke up early at 8 for breakfast :) we ended up bbqing again cos there was too much meat left :D

five of us left first, and the rest of us went to fish again! :D some of us fished at the jetty, while the others took a boat out to fish at Lake Entrance. though i didnt fish, i took the boat! very very nice and cold! and we caught some fish (not me laa. haha) and i actually could feel the thrill when we got a fish! it was a good boat ride really. spent some time talking to yizhe and i realized that we have so many common grounds- mutual friends! and he's fr chinese high. hahaha.

then we headed home. home sweet home.

the best part of the trip was the friendships i made.. i'm starting to feel comfortable around them already.. haha i know it when i become louder and louder and noisier. i will miss this cell group experience very very much. i guess in some sense it's very different back home. it's nice to be a newbie and one of the youngest. lol. and a girl. not quite the same back in girls cell eh. but of course, girl's cell is different but very much (more) cherished as well.

oh noooo i'm really going back soon.

i think the last time i felt bonded to a group was in Zenavis back in RJ. wah. so long ago.

three more months left!

2008-09-13T01:01:00.002+10:00

it has been yet another good week! really thank God for everything :) just came back from supper with OCF-ers and cell grp mates! i'm really thankful for the time we've spent over each supper, and really getting to know each of them better. i'm also very thankful for a few particular girls, who have been making so much effort to meet me individually and extending their welcome and love to me while i'm "all alone" here.

bible study was good. it really really hit home. matthew shared about being real, about the cry of his heart. the cry of my heart is to be real too. to be real. i dont want to profess one thing and practice another. i dont want to be a hypocrite. i want to be real.

we're going to have a cell group outing! yayy! :) we're going to Lake Entrance the next weekend! :) i'm soo excited... haha just that i'm i/c for this trip and i'm quite amused they chose me. i dont even have a hoot where Lake Entrance is! but it will be funnn!! fishing, and boating. hahaha.

oh man, i've got a feeling i'll be sad to leave Melbourne when the time comes. NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

all these few months i've been here, i havent really been proactive in making friends and getting to know them better. much of it's cos i'm a passive person by nature.. and the fact that i'm only going to be here for a few months gives me an excuse to be passive. and honestly, i'm afraid of "investing too much" cos' i really dont want to feel sad leaving this place either, knowing that i'll (almost) never get a chance to meet these friends again.

okay, i shall not be so emo! :)

how could i fail to see
You are the love that rescued me?

2008-09-09T17:42:00.003+10:00

我是幸福的!
我是幸福的!
我是幸福的!

:D

a short chat with MQ today made me realize how good God is. i had soooooooooooo many worries when i decided to come over here, but God is sovereign. not only did He watch over my family, but He blessed us richly in ways we dont often realize. now, we need spiritual eyes to see.

2008-09-07T11:45:00.002+10:00

it has been a relatively good week! :D

first of all, i did quite a lot of work! hope to finish all my assignments before i go to sydney! :D i cant wait to see the lovely harbour aunty lily told me about yesterday!

it was a nice evening spent at aunty lily's and aunty bonnie's home in blackburn! argh i really love the houses here; wish we could stay in a house like that. i love the wooden floor boardings! anw the dinner was soo good; partly cos my cooking's really bad so it's a like a treat for me yesterday. and the best best part was Bobby, the dogg! haha he's like the cutest thing on earth, seriously. as most ppl know, i'm a little scared of dogs in general, but Bobby's so cute, by the end of the night, he was sitting on my lap (that's quite an accomplishment for ME) and i was hugging him like a baby. i would have kissed him, really. so so cute. awwww. cant wait to see him again! think my motherly instincts are out. hahaha. really enjoyed the dinner and all.

ocf on fri was pretty good :) we had a nice time of sharing and really getting to know one another better. it really feels good to be in a community. though i'm afraid that by the time i'm really closer to them, i'd be gone. the idea of going back into the crusade community now feels a little weird. gahhh i really dread changes.

i got an email from kor, which really gave my sunday a good happy start! and i had a good long phone conversation with mummy on monday, which really made me a happy daughter! it's really really ironic how much more i'm talking to my family when i'm away. i seriously shld not take them for granted back in singapore.

today, i decided to try cross culture church of Christ. partly cos it's much nearer, and partly cos i dont really feel fed in the other church. anw the service and style are more like church back in singapore, and the sermon was really really solid good. i learnt so much, and it made me think abt a lot of stuff back in singapore. yep i think that was the first time i felt so well fed spiritually since i came to australia :) hence i'll be back there next sunday for more! it always amazes me how much i can gain from reading the same passage over and over againn :) really thankful that i went to CCC today.. like a mid-trip reflection. haha.

:) i'm going to nap for a while before i go grocery shopping! YEAH!

2008-09-01T11:00:00.002+10:00

i finished the nikeee runn!! :D woohooo! hahaha i am soooooooooo proud of myself.

*pats my back* well done jocelyn! :D

i thought of not going, but gahh in the end i still went for the run cos i paid so much for it! and it was sooo exciting! :D :D :D everyone was in red (the nike shirt) and it really really looked like national day. hahaha.

anywayyy i started jogging very slowly at first, and i was really v.touched cos my friends waited for me.. but it was quite pressurizing as well. after abt another 2km, i picked up a little more speed. my shin was hurting really, and i was stamping my other leg to support my injured leg. anw anw anw to cut the story short, i really wanted to give up after 5km, but my friends spurred me on :) i was soooooooooooooooooooo happy when i saw the '9km' sign and i was sooooo duperrrrrrrrrr happy when we reached the goal. wahh that feeling's indescribable man. no wonder runners will train four years for olympics! haha.

jon and me! more exchange memories :)

my running companions- jon and sophia

wheee! just look at the crowd! :D

goal!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha we were soooooooooo happy!!! :D rejoice!

us relaxing after the race :D

and we went to eat crepes! :) yummyy!!

hence ended my exciting sunday morning + afternoon!

but i'm aching like mad now. reallly. every muscle of my leg is aching, aching. arghhhhh. i prob cant run for a month or smthng. my shin has died. it's okay, i'm going to start swimming since i cant run :D i must not waste the money i spent on the gym! urghh. gg to brunswick later to get stuff! whee.

bye kor! have a safe trip to hongkongg!

2008-08-31T00:04:00.003+10:00

:D what a lazy saturdayyy!!

slept in, tried in vain to watch Moonlight Resonance (for 2 whole hrs! arghhh!!!), made sandwich for lunch (YUMMY!), went to bridge road to shop, came home, rushed to the train station but couldnt make it for the rally, so came home in a very sian mood, and tried in vain to watch Moonlight Resonance again. WAH wasted my saturday, really.

well, at least it was gooood shopping! haha lydia you'll be so happy to shop here, really.

just some random photos from the skiing! the highlight: mr snowman!! :D ahh childhood wish fulfilled!!! :) i love my snowman!

we built this snowman! :D

awwww..

tada!!

snow angels :D

i like this photo- we look like puppets. hahah

:D lalala

tmr's the nike run! SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH. i cant run!!!!!! i've waited and trained for this run, but i just injured my shin! really really very sad :( shld i just go and walk tmr? WAH :(

2008-08-27T08:51:00.008+10:00

gooda morningg! i have such a slack week i cant believe it :D

debb blogged about familylove, and lydia blogged about US! hahaha so i shall take some time to reflect about my siblings as well! ahh lydia, that was such an emo blogpost that sent me crying and wishing to pack up and go home! :(

**** uhh warning, this' a really long post, so skip it if you're not lydia or derrick liao.. haha***

i realized that whether you are the oldest, middle or youngest child, you'll always have to be unhappy about.

i remember kor once said that being the oldest child, you're like the guinea pig of the family and your parents try everything on you (whether good or bad), so that they'll use the better ones on your younger siblings. as the oldest child, kor also had to bear the brunt of everything, and be responsible for the little mistakes we made, just "cos you are the oldest, and your sisters look up to you".

and then the youngest child will complain that the best is reserved for the older children, and she gets all the "leftovers". she'd have to live up to the standards set by the older children, and live under their "shadow".

and of course ME. the middle child. i used to be very unhappy as a child, always complaining that my mother favored both kor and lydia. kor- cos he's the oldest, and the only boy, and lydia, cos she's the youngest. and i felt that no one loved me enough.

hahaha, we all have our random complaints. funny isnt it. now that i've come to know a bit of what they actually felt when they were younger, i start to realize how self-seeking i was when i was younger. always thought that that i deserved the best, and being ignorant to how my other siblings might have felt at the growing up years and beyond.

and there were times, when i felt like i was the extra among the three of us. kor and lydia would play boxing and wrestling on the queensized bed, while i would happily agree to be an observer or the referee, claiming that i didnt like to fight, so that i could cover up for the fact that i was afraid.

lydia and kor say they both understand each other better because they were once rebellious and i am different, cos' i am a goody-two-shoes.
ever since then, i start to dislike the fact that maybe i am a goody-two-shoes, and start to think of times when i was rebellious, hoping that i will somehow fit into the trio.

of course, there were times i wished they didnt exist, or if i could have someone else as a sibling. honestly, sometimes i wished their other halves didnt exist too, so i didnt have to share them with anyone. (hahah pls dont kill me). who says only best friends get jealous when their best friends are attached?? siblings get jealous too, but they just convince themselves that no one can ever take their place, just because blood is thicker than water.

actually deep down, there is a fear that someone else will take their place.

or the family will be separated because of someone new grabbing away his/her attention and time from the family.

but
but
but

when i look back and reflect, i give thanks to God for giving me wonderful siblings. contrary to what lydia said, i think that they are certainly not the best siblings (and i dont make the best sister as well).. sometimes i am still envious of other friends and their siblings. but i believe wholeheartedly that even though they arent the best people or siblings around, God knew they were the best choices for these roles, handpicked them, and put us together into a family, the Liaos.

and because of that, if i have a choice to decide my own family, i will never exchange them for anyone else in the world.

God knows (or rather, knew) that jocelyn will need a brother so that she has someone to look up to, or listen to, whenever she runs into problems. God knows that jocelyn's very indecisive and careless, so He made sure that her brother's a decisive and careful person. God knows that jocelyn's very emotional, and cries over the silliest things, so He chose a rational brother for her. God knows that jocelyn loves (but doesnt admit) to hear lame jokes, so indeed her brother turned out to be a funny and witty guy. God knows that jocelyn's a passive person when it comes to building relationships, so He gave a brother who takes initiative to build the love between them. God believes in complements, and He knows exactly what jocelyn needs and which areas she needs to grow in, so He chose derrick liao, and fashioned us such that we are complements. perfect, He would say.

God knows that jocelyn loves to talk about stories and little secrets, so He gave her a sister to love. He knows that jocelyn finds it hard to open up to others, so He gave her a sister to grow up with, and to become a best friend to her. He even made them such that though they're four years apart, they can still be both sisters and friends. God knows that jocelyn's shy and quiet, so He chose a sister who's chatty and sociable, so that jocelyn will not find her family too quiet. God knows that jocelyn can be quite silly and naive, He made sure that her sister's more streetwise to teach her some little tricks and to watch over her as well. God knows that jocelyn needs to learn how to love, so He put obstacles between the sisters, so that they will grow a love that is great enough to overcome them. God knows that differences and conflicts will mould each girl to become a better person, so He put them together. God knows that lydia liao will be the most suitable person for this role, so He chose her to be jocelyn's little sister. perfect, He would say.

if i say you two are the best siblings, i will be comparing you two with other siblings; the term becomes relative. but i wont compare. i believe in and cherish the fact that God has put us together, and that makes it the best it can ever be.

i thank God especially for giving me siblings who love one another. despite the many quarrels and stormy periods in our family, i always give thanks to God that we still love one another very much. that's something i used to doubt, but now i come to realize and believe in it.

i know kor loves us very much. despite living in the hostel and being away 3/4 of the time, he will still make time for family dinners, sing songs with me on the guitar, take the initiative to ask us out for suppers and lunch, and not hesitate to rush home shld anything happen to anyone of us. when he goes on trips, he always gets good stuff for us, and doesnt hesitate to share his good stuff with us. and best of all, he takes time to listen to us, and so we know how much he loves us. he's a good brother.

i know you, my dear sister, loves me very much too. though there were many times i doubted that, and other times i was (and still can be) jealous that you divided your love and time into many parts and seemingly left me with so little.. you would go out of the way to make sure that i know just how much you love me. i know you arent a person who likes to explain yourself, but you make the effort to do so to me. haha like you've said, "we have perfected a language of snarls and smiles, sniffs and snorts.." and i can say without any doubt, that you're definitely the person who understands me the most. though we've had (and still have and are going to have) hard times, i believe these are in God's plan to mature the love we have for each other. and contrary to your own belief (:P), you are a good sister.

above all, i thank God for you two. the realization of how we've been wonderfully placed together made me realize even more how much God loves me (and you two). i know He didnt haphazardly choose anyone to be my siblings, but He chose each of us with so much care, love and great wisdom. i thank God for the concept of 'family'. thank God for being Love.

so even though i'm far far awayyy and we'll all be far far away from one another, i hope we'll always cherish these ties and know how much we love one another! :)

blood is thicker than water.
certainly, certainly.

2008-08-23T18:29:00.003+10:00

okayy, i take back what i said in the previous post.

I WANT TO GO BACK TO SINGAPORE!!!

yesterday i finally "saw" my bro and sis for the first time since i came to melbourne. webcam rocks! i was soooooooooooooooo happy to see them! kor and his act cute face, and lydia and her mop fringe. hahaha. really made me so happy!! :)

i was sooooo sad when i had to hang up and go to bed :(
i miss you, my liao siblings!!!

i want to go home now :(

***

went to Richmond Primary to help clean up and paint the school. was a good experience! :) and got the chance to know the other ocf-ers as well. imagine the kids grinning from ear to ear when they go to school on monday and see their very clean and neat and tidy classroom, plus the beautifully painted walls! wah i miss going to primary school and playing hopscotch. heh.

***

before i go, i must show off a bit:

food, glorious food, by jocelyn liao.

yummy pasta and teriyaki beef! haha okay, quite yummy larh.

err some random oyster veg plus eggs plus chicken. tasted good!

veggie, minced meat and corn soup (with maggi seasoning!) really tasted very good.

i'm sooo proud of myself. hahaha

2008-08-18T19:48:00.003+10:00

went for my first 10km run today! (debbb, it's so hard to run within 1 hour!) somehow managed to finish in 1h 5min :( my goal is under 1h! i must achieve it before the nike run the following sunday. my legs are aching like mad now. oh my goodnesssss.

did a bit of thinking today. i've been here for 1 month already. dont really know what i've learnt, gained or achieved. at least i think i've learnt to be more sociable (reciting lydia's secret "socializing" formula sort of works) and learnt to take things a bit more slowly, enjoy the beautiful nature, sip tea and watch the skies.

did i mention about the beautiful sky at mount beauty? the night sky was awesome. i havent seen so many stars in my life! i was just so captivated. it's those moments that i feel the intimate presence of a mighty Creator. surely, it must be God's work. surely so.

i'm not really looking forward to going back to singapore. the homesickness is fading away with time. really not looking forward to going back to the stress and the concerns i'll have to face back home. worrying about datelines, 12 midnight, sundays etc etc. though i'm not exactly very very happy here, at least all i have to worry about in melbourne is whether i will have money to buy milk and peanut butter.

or, what to cook for my meals tomorrow.

2008-08-17T23:43:00.010+10:00

whee! back from skiing at Falls Creek :D it was a good weekend :)

many thanks to jon who invited me along. it was an expensive trip, but the snow, the skiing experience, the very lovely stay and the yum food were worth it!

the drive to falls creek! look at the awesome rainbow! i havent seen such a big rainbow in my life! we drove right "past" it!

the other end of the rainbow :) pretty!

drive up the mountain! SNOWWWW here we come!

super pretty! :) white as snow, white as snow.

whooshhhh. i love how the snow fell on my face!

all geared up!

want to go for exchange? :P

the lovely fireplace in our apartment! i roasted marshmallows here.

pretty misty morning! the scenery was breath-taking!

four star resort k :D

jon, sam and i :D lovely morning.

pretty leaves! reminds me of autumn

at Sullivan lookout :D the mountains were majestic.

NUS exchange to falls creek?

the whole group of us trying to jump!!

my fav pic!

whee~ so ends my exciting weekend! photos were professionally taken by jon, using his pro camera! :)

skiing was fun but really tiring! very difficult! haha but i shall go back some other time definitely. i love the snowwwww!! the most exciting part for me was when i just couldnt stop in time and glided down the slope on my butt! it was scary man, but super exciting! hahahaha.

2 must-do's down!

1. watched Wicked
2. skiied! :D

sigh back to sch tmr! :D

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

2008-08-04T21:02:00.005+10:00

i finally have some photos to put up! i seriously shld start taking more photos! :) anw thanks to isaac and alaric for the photos :)

:D

this was my breakfast 2 weeks ago! sausages and eggs. healthy stuff.
.
.
.
the sausages are raw though.. haha. i spit them out immediately after the first bite. BUT i've tried frying them again, and they were very yummlicious!

i've been well fed :D falling in love with arnott's milk biscuits and horlicks/milo. and of course, eating at alaric's place! he cooks super well :D wahaha. tmr's dinner at his place again! :) he baked sticky date pudding and it was mouth-watering, seriously. i'm going to learn how to bake before i go back to singapore.

and isaac ho brought me packed lunch from his home cos he thinks i'm too lazy to cook! hahahaha. so funny. aunty serina must be thinking i am such a lazy girl.. which is true. it's quite troublesome to cook. isaac ho, i'll cook u lunch someday.. after i figure out how to cook rice okay! haha.

and this is my room:

alaric's disgusted by the colorful bedsheet. how could he. it brightens up my room and makes me feel happy to go and sleep! i love the bees and birds on the bedsheet.

tis' my lovely table with many many photos of friends and family fr home. spot yourself :P

i think i have to pin a photo of jerusha ho. i hardly get to see her! :P

some random outings!

vydia (alaric's housemate), alaric, gareth (alaric's ex-sch mate) and meeee.

see i've made some some friends.
we look like midgets. hahaha.

IKEA!! :D had such a good time there. and bought many many stufff!! i'm spending a bomb on such and groceries, seriously.

we had breakfast! this costs S$15!!!!

Swanston Street, where i stay!

Ann (very cute friend of the hos) and i- Fed Square

the Ho's Residence :)

the picnic at Lilydale Lake

a good place to retire to..

:)

went to study at Lygon Court with alaric today :) studying was very unproductive, however.. cos i seriously cant understand the readings :( sighh i think i'm so going to die.

2008-07-31T22:02:00.000+10:00

school has started :]

i sense a very busy semester ahead! i have like 8 papers to write. glad that i'm only taking four mods. cant imagine an additional one! buutt i wont be studying too hard anyway. it's really good to slack and not have to worry about the CAP for some time :)

some things that perked me up during the week:

1. called lyanna and sarahhh!! :D really missed their voice.. haha though i repeated everything twice! (shldnt we have conference call or smthng?!) it was just so nice to hear their voices and talk and crap with them.

2. received emails from deborah and lydia.c :) haha deb i love long emails! thank youuu.. and lydia c, for her short but v.touching email :) i miss DG very much tooo. i shld call them up surprise them soon! heheh

3. random lunch with isaac :D time best spent here is time spent with my best friend.

4. alaric cooked yummilicious bibimak! thank YOU alaric, for taking good care of me all these while. now my memories of australia will be filled with you (and your good food!) hahaha

5. ranting to mummy was very very good. i just kept talking and talking and it was soo nice to laugh over the silly thingssss. hahaha. got to talk to papa FINALLY! and and i miss you lydia liao and derrick liao.

6. I COOKED!! :D veggies in oyster sauce plus eggs plus sausage plus chicken! woohoo. it actually tasted nice! i'm going to try sweet and sour chicken tmr! :D hahaha cant wait.

i think i will settle down in Richmond AOG. for one thing, they are really enthusiastic! i received letters and flyers and calls from them already. yeah, big big churches are rather efficient. the church is BIG! though i felt like a small fry, but it was good to worship God without having to think about anything else and just, worship. though of course, i have imagined worshipping back in CCS a dozen times. it'll be so good.

going through a rather dry part of my spiritual life right now. it's really different when you have no one to be accountable to. it can be quite hard.. really want to write to yvonne or elda. i shld soon. i'm very thankful to deb and james for their encouragement during this time. really helps.

as i was running in the gym today, i was listening to an old song i used to love in the past. i used to sing it to spur myself on in running this Christian race.

"how long is the road?
how long is the ride?
how long is the darkness till we get to the light?
go easy on me cos' you already know
no matter the distance
i'll stay on the road to your heart"

i'll stay on the road to Your heart.

2008-07-27T08:54:00.001+10:00

i'm going to church soon... Richmond AOG. gahh i dont even know if i can get there. i have such a bad sense of direction :( i realize that if i dont have a commitment to go to a particular church, i actually have much much less discipline to get up and get there.

ok gogogogogogogogogogogogo.

just to show that i am alive and kicking!

2008-07-19T17:24:00.002+10:00

:D

i went to feed birds today. parrots, red and pink birds. aunty serina has a way with birds! they all come to her and peck at the nuts from her hands. only 1 bird flew onto my hand, but i scared it away with my scream i think. hahaha. i was quite scared. and the bird bit my hand! urgh. but it was quite an experience. too bad i dont have nice pics with the birds cos none of them stood on my hand for more than 5 seconds. heheh.

aunty serina and family were so nice! brought me up to Dangdilion (or whatever it's spelt) and we visited some shops there. Gepetto, some puppet shop- i havent seen soooooo many puppets in my whole life! i saw Pinnochio too. hahaha. and some Tea shop, which has the widest range of teas ever. i thought there were only a few kinds of tea, but i was so wrong. there's even banana split tea, think about that!

we had picnic at Lilydale Lake. :D it was soo pretty. i never enjoyed the sun that much in my life. it was so cold, and when the sun shone in, it just brought so much warmth and i felt so alive! the lake is pretty, with ducks wadling in it. and old couples holding hands and strolling down the pastures. heheh. i think it's a good place to retire to. since i came to melbourne, i've found a few ideal places to retire to. everyday i'll just sip tea and eat scones and enjoy the sun and talk to my husband about life and children. how cool is that.

or i can open a cafe that sells buns, cakes and tea.

went to FUNGUS yesterday and finally, met everyone that i've heard for for years :D they are really funky and cool and funnny bunch of people. friendly as well. the youth culture here is really diff from Singapore's, by the way. everything is so hyped up here, but it's much more toned down in Singapore. dont think it's a disadvantage. it's just different i guess. the worship and sermon was good too. i can see that the Pastor really connected with the youths. and he's funny. i thought how good it'll be if there's a youth pastor in Saltshakers too.

it was girls cell grp yesterday as well. i hope the girls are surviving in Singapore. i wonder how everyone is. i think about the youths everyday. what they are doing, how they are getting along. maybe it's just the first week.

1 week is almost over, but i feel like i've been here for such a long time! :) i went to explore Melbourne Central by the way. i felt so proud of myself.. except that i didnt know how to take the trams and i didnt want to embarrass myself on the trams, so i walked home with 7 bags full of stuff. like $90 worth of groceries! goodness. i think i'm quite strong (after dragging 35 kg of baggage when i came to melb)! heheh.

my room's nice and comfy btw. i've always loved carpets :)

2008-07-15T18:45:00.002+10:00

:D i'm in melbourne!

and right now i am using jerusha hohoho's laptop to blog!

i'll be staying here till thurs, and it takes time for internet/phone to be set up so yes lydia pls tell mummy that i cant skype/msn until the weekend i think :] the Hos have kindly invited me to stay here for a while :) so so kind of them. i feel bad. i shld have brought some PrimaTaste for them. how could i have forgotten??

the leg warmer/heater is really good. so warmmmm.

it's a pretty place. very very cold, and i look like a bao. it's very quiet in this neighborhood- a nice place to retire i guess. haha. it's nice to look at the skies and do some quiet reflection.

i guess i miss home a little. but coming to melb made me realize that singapore's my home not because of the place (it's so hot! melb has much nicer weather!) but the people. my family and friends. and i miss singlish. it's really weird hearing chinese speak with an aussie accent. but i'll get used to it. who knows i may come back with an aussie accent. then "2" will sound like "3". hahaha.

thanks to all those who came to send me down :) really touched. it was so early and people who stay as far as jurong made the effort to come down. hahaha. yes bra, you know i'm talking about you. it was too rushed for proper goodbyes cos the gate was closing by the time most of you guys came. still, i will cherish the brief hugs.

stupid lyanna lim made me cry. that silly girl. she just cried and it made me cry too. my last day in singapore was spent with lyanna and sarah at island creamery and it was so good. the ice cream i mean. hahaha. yes yes the company was the best part. argh i am missing them already.

i was sitting all alone on the plane, and i took out dia's and kor's letters to read. very nice design, joanna, if you read this! the postcard is pretty. thanks a lot. i cried so hard when i read your letter, lydia liao. (by the way, you can write really well! hahaha) SISTERS. gah it was so true, everything you said. they really reflected how i was feeling about everything, and the little things i cherish about us being sisters. the little snorts and grunts and smirks. hahah that was so true.

i wasnt too afraid being alone, for some strange reason. i thought i would be so scared and lonely. perhaps it was only the first day apart from home sweet home. but somehow i feel that it'll be fine. maybe like what kor said, i think i have become more independent from uni and from CA trip. five months will fly by anyway. most importantly, i know that i'm never alone, cos i'm assured that God will be with me each step of the way.

though i will miss home, i'm reminding myself not to live each day longing to go home (partly cos it's really lovely here), but i really want to make the best out of each day. each sight i see, each experience.. and may it be "mission trip" for me as well, as i take this opportunity to seek God, be still before Him.. as well as praying for others, my family and saltshakers. oh it will be a mission minded holiday. i must be disciplined. i will be friendly and make many many friends and perhaps share Christ if i can :) so exciting now that i find Crusade in Uni of Melb as well! hehh. i think joining Crusade was one of the best decisions i made in Uni; really helps me to be more focused in Uni, and even now.

for some strange reason, i'm sleepy......

2008-07-06T02:14:00.002+10:00

i've been toooooooo lazy to blog.

one week left to australia!

i'm feeling very excited! i think the fact that i'll be leaving my friends and family behind for a while hasnt quite sunk in. but again, 5 months isnt a very long time i think.

the packing is crazy! the jackets are sooo thick, they take up half the suitcase. i seriously dont think i will be able to fit in everything! ahhh. i think i cant bring wondermini (the name of my guitar) over :(

i'm excited to dress like a bao every day.

the last few weeks were quite well spent.. though i spent 1/3 of it watching DVDs. no more hk drama over there. no more LF! :(

met up with laozhong :) LIKE FINALLY! i miss(ed) him so much! it's a blessing to have a close friend like him. i know i can always count on him to listen, to understand and offer (rather) sound advice. hahaa.

met up with albert, pearl and esther buddy for lunch cum movie yesterday. it was sooo good! so funny! really enjoyed the lunch thoroughly. digged up secrets. wahahaha.

met up with elda for tea as well :D it was a nice time of sharing!

met up with jw the previous night too. :) this is one friend i'd definitely call from australia regularly :)

met up with silkee and layz over dinner too. it was nice! :D glad we can still talk like in the past. haha well i guess no one really changed right.

had e-comm gathering just now.. it was good and funny and scary! haha we watched Cry Wolf. really screamed my lungs out. ARGH. glad to see everyone :D

coming up-

looking forward to movie "marathon" with sarah and lyanna tmr! :):):)

FOC camp: mon-wed.. here i come!

stayover on wed! YAY DEB I CANT WAIT TO TELL U JUICY STORIES! wahahahahhaaa.

dinner with hahahaharold.

farewell dinner + joe stowell with CA team :)

and i so so so need to meet up with BJ, WY and HUILIAN!

***

2008-06-24T04:48:00.011+10:00

back from CA :)

actually i have been back for some time, but i'm really too lazy to blog! there are just so many things to say about CA.. dont know where to start and what to say. i'm glad to be back in singapore, but i miss that place and the people there. and the food of course! heheh.

it was a fruitful trip, and i'm glad i went there, though i wasnt very prepared for the trip honestly. but i've learnt and gained so much :) i've definitely received much more than i've given.

though i was looking forward to come back, i only realized in the last few days that our time there was really very short. there is so much work to do, so many relationships to build, so much to share, but we really didnt have enough time there.

the trip humbled me so much. i thought i would have no trouble relating to the people there.. but the language barrier made conversations and communication difficult.. and talking to strangers and making and sustaining conversations are really out of my comfort zone! i just didnt know how to sustain the conversations, and i often felt tired of talking! and it was tiring meeting people everyday. glad to be home now alone watching HK drama serial. hahaa. i do enjoy being alone i guess. well everyday was a challenge and a time to trust that God would strengthen me for the challenges ahead. and He is faithful indeed, thank Him for His grace.

i dont think i shld share much about the ministry we did there on a public blog, but anyway the whole sowing process was an exciting one. a lot of perseverance.. and well, the faith journey has just started..

anyway, a few things i will remember about them:
1. "oi" means sorry!
2. they dont like to smile
3. their buses are way too small and packed!
4. they are very relational people :)
5. guys willingly give up their seats to girls, and younger ones to older ones on the buses

the food there is great great great! i love the meat and the potatoes and the bread. yes yes, sounds like a carnivore. i felt like one too. but we had healthy stuff tooo.. i drank milk and fruit juice EVERY DAY. a lot of it. and i had breakfast everyday. i dont, in singapore.

some soupy noodles. really delicious (but less oil pls!). erm cant rem its name.

singaporean style "plough" hahahaha. we tried cooking the traditional plough, but well.. it tasted more like indian rice

traditional bish bamak - not with horse meat though, but beef instead! IT IS YUMMY!

some curry puff thing. quite delicious. they have many many kinds of bread over there!

this is the BISH BAMAK with horse meat! we drank horse milk too--- super super yucky. haha..

lag-man. noodles with beef :) my favourite!

and of course we cooked! lunch or dinner everydayyy.

one of the first few meals :D

i cooked this! :D hahah yes very simple, but but it's my first time cooking.

we cooked curry too!

i fried 40 pratas when i was there! i think i can open my Prata House :P

i love the weather there. really really miss the cool wind! the weather is rather crazy though. one day it can be super hot, the next day it will be freezingggg.

we love the sunsets. the sun sets at around 9pm :)

*

i miss my team members very much! especially my buddies, esther buddy and pearleee.

my buddies and i!

the person i miss most is none other than my buddy cum bedmate cum flatmate, pearl!

i think sleeping on the sofa together for three weeks has really bonded us! we think pretty alike. hahahaha.

us having plough! real ones!

pearl and i enjoying the GOLD BARS (ice cream!)

flat mates :D

buddies again!

the team at LaserQuest for our R&R. it was SUPER FUN!!

i have 800 plus photos! goodness. my C drive is low on space. hahaha.

*

The Lord was teaching me a lot a lot about humility. and even after the 3 weeks, i've realized i'm far far far from the goal.

anyway, as we were on the plane back to singapore, i looked down from the window seat.. the whole land was lit with many many lights. really really beautiful. it really reminded me of how faithful God is. though there are millions and millions of people on this earth (and we are so, so insignificant), He still stoops down and cares and loves every single one of us..

oh well...

back to Forensic Heroes :D

i'm gg to meet my team tmr!

2008-05-27T18:14:00.006+10:00

:) it was a very eventful week! cant believe we're leaving for CA in 4 days! really really excited!

we had a team retreat on saturday, and it was really good for me. a good time of seeking God once again, and being able to lay aside the stuff that so bothered me the past few weeks. thank God for His grace, that allows me to do His will at times when i feel so inadequate, and simply not enough. but He empowers me.

a thousand times i've failed
still Your mercy remains
and should i stumble again
i'm caught in Your grace

thank God for wonderful team mates, really. i really love my CA team.. somehow we just gel together pretty well. i'm excited to begin on this three week long journey with them, to know them better, to be able to share our hearts and a common vision to bring the Good News to the lost.

we had a team meeting at a crusade staff's house. very very pretty.

the wall is so so beautiful. reminds me indeed of His amazing grace. it's good to wake up each morning and be humbled by who He is.

us attempting to jump. that's when i also hurt my foot and now i walk with a slight limp! haha argh.

very unsuccessful! haha. but lots of fun :D

some of us girls, after the meeting

haha "wretches"!

was blind

was lost

but now SAVED :)

yesterday, we attended the SOLEAD grad, as well as our gen12ii Commissioning :D

we look like green veggies, according to terri.

meiqing and liru, xiaojun and brother adam! :D

CA team 08! (evan absent)

my favourite "E" hippies!

****
on sunday, i decided to bring my camera and snap some photos! that was my last sunday before i leave for CA..

mary ann, erin and i :)

DG!

the 21 year-youngs.

two headed monster and i

we went to Swensons for yummy lunch! :D it has been a real long time since we last had a mass lunch... was quite nice, and family-ish. will miss these peeps very much when i'm gone!

thank God for Saltshakers. :)

***

the last highlight of the week was the stayover i had at deb's house yesterday!

debb, we didnt take photos!! arhh.

we were too busy telling stories. hahahaa. i'm sooooooooooo glad to be able to let out some stuff that has been bothering me for.. some time. and i.. just havent said such stuff to anyone for such a long time. yes, girly stuff, in case you're wondering.. haha. i love talking to deb.. i know that i can be so childish and girly and whatever when i'm with her.. cos that's how she is too.. haha. it was a funny and funny time of sharing stories on her queen sized bed :):):)

***

have team mtg tmr again! :)

2008-05-21T13:49:00.005+10:00

:D has been good slacking the past few days!

still have many documents to process before going to CA and aussieland though. argh the number of applications and approvals for exchange are endless.!

anyway, i met up with DG girls yest night for dinner!! :D was really good catching up and chatting... haha all the randomness about brother's girlfriends, mission trips, church etc. it was good good! will miss them when i go to australia!

gen didnt turn up (neglected her phone again! haha HAIYA!) and yifang's away in australia on a holiday :)

here's us: ana, sher, lousia and i

(i just realized we look so small! quite hard to see eh)

**

on vesak day, some of us went to pulau ubin to cycle. organized by yvonne! it was really really really tiring and challenging for me. haha. but glad to meet up with roy, bryan and yvonne.

**

had e-comm sharing and steamboat after that! was really good (i mean the food AND the people, of course!) haha yes it was really nice and warm and cosy. i will miss all the ecomm hippies! ahh. we had so much laughter that day!

thank you deb and li-en esp!

and i am sooo glad that deb has moved to thomson! yay so near my house! when are we gg to have our stayover debbbbbbbbbbb!!!

**

anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!! :D

thanks for really being a source of support to me esp in church. really couldnt have made it without your encouragement and help in many many ways. thanks for teaching me about the heart of servitude. i really appreciate all that you've done over the past 3 years of serving together (yes it's been three years!) i really pray that you'll continue to stand strong and firm in the Lord (esp when leading the youths) in the coming 6 months while some of us are away. pls be rest assured that i'll be praying for you esp, when i'm in australia.

you've also been a lovely cousin all these while. buying food for me when i fell sick the other time, getting my lovely milk tarts for me in malaysia, and giving me the lovely hugs when i needed them most. and all the encouraging notes as well. i thank God that our friendship has matured since we started in primary school! haha. yep continue to be a sweet blessing to the people around you :D

2008-05-16T02:01:00.002+10:00

everyone loves jocelyn's new blogskin! hahaha it's so adorable right! i loved it the minute i saw it. though it doesnt make any particular sense, but it really brightens up my mood each time i see the smiley faces :)

just came back from a WAP shoot. really enjoyed myself though it was really tiring too! but i learnt quite a bit. like the camera angles, logging (!!!), a bit about lights. and it was really funny! esp the masks! hahaha. gotta watch it when it's finally done :D well done lalang, i love the story and the analogies. very, very real.

life is really vulnerable. reading the news about Myanmar and China really made me very sad. dont know when God will suddenly take you home. but God always has His plans, and His plans are sovereign and good all the time. i guess it's a hard fact to learn esp at the point of facing death or losing a loved one. there are so many things we will never understand. but must ultimately trust the One who is in charge of every situation, whose will is sovereign and holy.

gives me the sudden urges to tell certain people that i love them very very much. i think i'm a rather careful person when it comes to saying "i love you" because i know that i can never fully grasp the meaning of love, the kind that is truly of God and from God, you know. and i want to truly, truly mean it whenever i say those three "sacred" words, so that the person who receives it will understand how truly precious and special he/she is to me.

2008-05-13T16:54:00.008+10:00

back from lovely hongkong! miss the place very much! and my greatest, greatest regret was that i didnt catch LF! ARGHHHHHHHH.

but we still had a great, great time there! and we took 200 plus photos (not counting those in sarah's camera!) hahaha. i think our (self) photo taking skills have improved tremendously!

the photos are not in order.. too lazy to upload all and arrange!

anyway, i've always loved Hongkong! the people. the language especially. all those little cantonese phrases that i've learnt from watching tvb dramas have been put into very good use. though i still have trouble understanding sometimes, cos they speak so, so quickly!

the food there is good (DIM SUM IS THE BEST!) and the shopping was pretty good too! hahaha. and i got to eat my milk tarts. i've been craving for them! yummilicious! it's a must-try!

on SIA :D :D :D havent taken SQ for the longest time! GOOD! the food is good, the seats are good, and the air stewardesses are very nice and pretty! watched Juno and the jay-chou-bb-show (cant rem the name- but it wasnt very nice anw :P).

took this subway to Hong Kong from the airport! very comfy.

at terminal 3! actually has trains that take us to gate 15 for departure! haha. we're so lazy.

everywhere in SG is automated, seriously. hongkong, on the other hand, has many many flights of stairs!

we bought Krispy Kreme back!! VERY VERY GOOD!

waiting for the bus back to the airport! HOME!

waiting for our flight home!

very very hungry people waiting for our DIMSUM!

us at Avenue of Stars!

our very first DIM SUM breakfast! yummmy!

after that, we went to OCEAN PARK :D was great fun!

our bus tix!

see that mine train structure behind?? we took that! and it was sooooooo scary!!!
i think that was my most scariest ride ever, considering how scaredy-cat i am. hahaaha

we took viking too! nah that was nothing compared to the mine train!

had our healthy supper! 许留山! famous mango dessert.

the mango dessert is very, very good!

still have many many photos! but i'm seriously too lazy to upload!

met up with layming! she was very nice, brought us (kor and joanna came along too!) around to eat claypot rice and HnM. missed her bubbly laughter! :D thanks for everything, layz. really look forward to meeting u and jia-yu together again!

it was a very very memorable trip. the shepherd and peasant clothings, sarah's swa-kuness, the dim sum, the stairs, and.. getting lost!

we took so long trying to find places, esp ESPRIT outlet! goodness. made us so so so frustrated. and we only got ONE item there! have to admit that our sense of direction was very bad. the numerous road signs and turns! we walked and walked like madd! haha i think i have never walked so much on a trip before. but it was quite exciting :P i'm sure sarah wouldnt agree. haha.

but of course, the best best best best part of the trip is....

my companion! :D
SARAH!

really really happy to have travelled with her! all our randomness and rants! haha i'm sure we've got to know each other better through the 4 days together, havent we?! hahaha. thank you, YOU, for listening to my woes and bearing with my nonsense and high-ness, esp with LF. i really cherish the times we've spent together (and relying on only, each other) and i will really really miss you very, very much when i go to australia.

hopefully the next time we go on a trip together, lyanna lim will come along! :D we missed you too! our photos always have some empty space- reserved for you. haha.

i'll be leaving for CA on the 31st may, and Melbourne, on 1st July. eeps. so little time left in SG :(

people i must meet before i leave for Australia:
1. lyanna, sarah and amanda
2. laozhong and harold khoo
3. puah jw
4. the alliance (took me quite long to remember what we used to call ourselves! haha)
5. charlene, yvonne
6. jia-yu (and layming)
7. my DGs
8. deborah (our stayover!!)
9. bro bear boon

i'm really excited about going to melbourne, yet at the same time, i'm really sad about leaving too.. though it's only for six months or less. i will miss my family and my room very much. and church and saltshakers as well. and all the other friends.

but jocelyn liao has become very independent (i think) since she stepped into uni, so i think she'll do fine, excpt that she may cry the first week because of homesickness. but she will be fine, esp with jerusha ho, isaac ho, alaric sng and carol chan over there.

i went to the library to get some books on melbourne, and i realized how how big melbourne is, and how how lost i will be when i get there. seriously. oh and i got books on cookery! hahahaha. time to learn how to cook. erp. jerusha ho will be my guinea pig. haha.

2008-05-07T00:35:00.003+10:00

two more days to freedom, hongkong, and LAM FUNG! :D woohoo!

now that exchange to aussieland is confirmed, i'm in a mad rush to get all the documents done and to find a nice nice place to stay over there!

i have about 1 more month left in singapore, cos i'd be away for 3 weeks in june.
i'm starting to feel sad already. i cant imagine when i have to leave, how it'd be like to have my friends and family send me off.

please la. it's only six months! argh.

and there are a few friends i'll miss terribly terribly. i havent seen them for ages, and the next time could well be at the airport when i fly off :( really really sad.

i'll miss them very much, esp laozhong, whom i will only get to meet the airport when i fly off.

two friends whom i cherish very much. it's quite funny that we have remained close friends since JC. never thought that my closest JC friends would be them actually. thanks to harold's broken knee(s) in JC, and all the online chats, and OG of course. i shall be very sad when harold goes over to UK too :\

and my dearest brother, whom i havent met for ages! a faithful and loyal friend to the end.

and of course, the girl in the middle! :) miss all the laughters! :x

sigh, hurry fly back my friends!!!

2008-05-02T18:13:00.002+10:00

finally.

aussieland awaits me :D

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i'm so happy i'll be doing some travelling during the holidays!

8-11 May: Hongkong with mousie neo (yay get to see LF and LM!!)
1-22 June: Central Asia
July- Dec: Melbourne, Australia

i must cherish the time left with my family!!

2008-05-01T00:17:00.005+10:00

:):):):):):):):):):):):) finally the belated birthday well wishes (from down under :P) have arrived!!

(for one second, i thought you all gave me a Mac for my bdae, when i first opened the parcel!!)

but of course, this is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy better than a Mac :P heheh

this is such an unglam photo! hahahaha i couldnt stop laughing when i read the title!

:) i was really touched!!

many many photos! :D a photo galore! i was really very very touched as i flipped through the pages over and over again; i have all these photos, but i just felt very touched as i looked through each and every one of them again. the following two are noteworthy:

we were really tootsy nerdy bananas! hahahaha.

:) thank you you two! really made my night so sweet and happy!!! though this is a really belated present (i was secretly waiting for it since my bdae, but didnt mention it cos i thought it was lost and i didnt want u all to be sad). oh myyyyyy we have really grown old and matured- i mean, our friendships! i am always amazed at how God has preserved well our friendships.. all these years.

thank you for loving me so, so much. thanks for being the friends i hold closest to my heart. i love you guys!

reminds me of a song..

here's to you two!! :)

That's What Friends Are For

And I, never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if, I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For/In good times and/in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

And then, for the times when we're apart
Well then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my hearts
And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For/In good times and/in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

2008-04-22T11:39:00.004+10:00

i woke up to the biggest, biggest, biggest surprise of the year!!!

and i only have one thing to say:

MY GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" Ephesians 3:20

2008-04-22T00:21:00.000+10:00

communication.

we seriously need to communicate.

2008-04-19T13:28:00.002+10:00

When God's People Pray.

quite inspired me last night, as i was deciding whether to go for church prayer meeting yesterday. there were a lot of other things i wanted to do instead, such as having cell, or sleeping or studying, but i decided that i had to go down; the church needs to hear about the youths, and we really really need to be praying as a church. struggled quite a bit, but finally made my way down, and i'm so thankful i did! it was a good time of sharing, and i had the chance to share about the upcoming mission trip with crusade :) and it was encouraging to hear the adults share. and we all prayed together; it was really long, but i really felt very refreshed after praying and hearing the adults pray. i think there's really fellowship in praying, power in coming together as a church to pray on bended knees.

we had a nice time of fellowship after prayer, which was very good too! i got the chance to know some of the adults a bit better. like unc bala knows a handful of hokkien songs. it was hilarious! and aunty caroline bakes really well. for once, i actually didnt really feel like leaving church prayer meeting. really thank God for blessing those who went.

"knowing well that as our hearts begin to worship, we'll be blessed because we came"

as i was walking to unc ban thong's house, i gave some thought to why i was rather reluctant to go down. i came to the conclusion that i dont have enough faith when i pray. prayer requires a lot a lot of faith; we often dont see instantaneous answers to our prayers, and we are always to wait upon the Lord, to have the faith that though we dont see anything happening, our prayers are heard and the Lord is working in the background.
but humans are too impatient; we just cant sit down and wait for God to work. we want to do something- and prayer seems like the least important thing- cos when we pray, we acknowledge that we are 'helpless' and totally dependent on him, and we dont want to do that.
but unless God moves, nothing moves. apart from Him, we can do nothing. nothing.

esp now, i need to persevere in praying.

God has been teaching me a whole lot abt obedience the past few days. about not just obeying because i have to, but really delighting in His commandments. delight to do His laws. i'm rather far from that i guess. we need to truly truly believe that whatever God has said in His Word, His commandments, the boundaries He set, are good. good. if we dont believe they are good, we will never be willing to do anything He has commanded.

i love to watch TV, i love to idealize romance (like eloping with my prince) and life in general. but everytime i find myself thinking about that, i know i run into the temptation of looking longingly at the things of this world, at what that does not last, and are not true anyway. the things of the world are too attractive; need to keep my eyes focused on what is eternal, and Him, of course. and be careful not to lose my foothold. to remember what is eternal, to remember what truly is, good.

2008-04-11T14:58:00.004+10:00

heheh having stats tutorial noww but we have nthng nthng to do, so i decided i shall secretly blog..

i went blog-hopping just now, and i read nicole and erin's bestie blog. and i just felt so amused (no offence)! hahaha like erin keeps hounding nicole to call her and stuff. all the child-like stuff that they blog about just made me laugh and laugh. reminds me of a time not too long ago.. about 6-7 years back when i waited for my best friend to call every night at 8pm too. how i'd be sooo upset when the clock struck 9pm, and he hadnt called. hahaha. cant believe i (ahem, we) was so childish in the past. i guess those are the little joys of friendship.

we've moved on from there of course, as our friendship matures and stuff. God has taken our friendship a long way since sec 3. and i thank Him for all that has happened; the ups and downs, the happy and the sad times. the quarrels and the patching up. and all the teasing about the other getting the other half. haha. it's amazing. and i thank God for watching over each of us, though we are miles apart; thank Him for being the God of our lives, for without Him, i dont think we'll ever have such a blessed friendship as we have today.

i didnt really understand what it meant to have God in the center of my relationships. i just wanted to do as i please; broke His heart and missed out on what possibly could have happened if He was in the center of it all. i didnt really understand what it meant to love someone, to want the best for the other, instead of selfishly seeking my own desires. the Lord is still revealing to me something new about love each day.

one thing i've learnt: to love in a way that points to Love :) with the capital L.

by the way i figured that my (future) other half will have to read Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye & Boy Meets Girl and Choosing God's best (dont know who's the author, but highly recommended by Daniel) hahahaha. Boy Meets Girl is a very, very interesting book by the way. it has changed a lot of my perspectives about dating and stuff. in fact, i finished reading half the book in a day, which is quite a record for a book-worm like me (worm, cos i crawl very slowly through books). yay.

2008-04-10T01:27:00.008+10:00

i had my last last dg today and i'm very very sad now :\ we have to meet sooo many times before i go to australia okay! how how. i'm going to miss u all very much.

this is my very favorite photo and my very favorite girls :) :) :)

ana, sher, louisa, gen, yifang

us, looking very very philosophical and in a highly reflective mood. hahaha.

whee~

our family photo!

during our last last dg:

exchanging love notes :) haha

done!~

such contentment!!

studying the Word :)

ana looks so vexed- as if she's reading some tutorial readings. haha

i bought them yakult! :) yummy and healthy.

**

it's such a great joy and privilege to be their SM over the past academic year. sure, there were many many (and still many.. haha) frustrations, but whatever i've gained is much much more than i've put in. such a privilege to be serving the Lord! such a joy to see these girls grow and learn! :) i'll miss their laughter very much.

God, i pray you'll continue to build them up to become women of excellence.

2008-04-08T02:09:00.002+10:00

:D a very very important friend of mine finally realized that he had forgotten my bdae, or rather, he thought it was in april! =.=! nevertheless, i'm glad to finally receive this long awaited birthday wish, all the way from Oxford! hahaha. laozhong, you ought to be shot!

i miss hanging out with laozhong and harold khoo!
laozhong, hurry come back la.

and i miss talking to my godsister (ahem!). aussie mossiessss..

2008-04-06T23:42:00.002+10:00

i want to run to the altar
and catch the fire
to stand in the gap between the living and the dead

this song has taken a higher level of meaning in my life today.

i studied about servant leadership this morning, and the author reminded me that i need to learn to discipline myself spiritually, mentally, physically, socially and emotionally. it occured to me again how i am so weak emotionally. how i cant seem to stop the tears from flowing.

looking back, i realized how far i've come since being a youth leader 3 years ago. all by God's grace- there's no other way else i can describe how i feel. i'm still a crybaby alright, i still shrink back, i still lament and complain, but God has built me up stronger emotionally. today, i was tested yet again, and of course, i couldnt stop the tears from flowing (but my little trick to force the tears back does work sometimes) and i knew satan was attacking me at my weakest point yet again.

again and again.

but i was encouraged by this verse:
"Therefore my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labour in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Cor 15:58

thank God so much for joanne, who encouraged me tremendously. i'm going to miss her when she goes to perth for missions.

****

my application to melb has come to a standstill. i'm stuck! but it's a really good thing to me, thank God for intervening and lending a hand to this indecisive creature.

who am i that You are mindful of me?

whatever the case, i was reminded of God's goodness through this lovely song, which Ana graciously sang for me! :) thanks girl!

No eye has seen
no eye has seen
no ear has heard
the good that the Lord has prepared for those
who wait on Him
to hear HIs voice
"I am the potter
and you are the clay"
Jesus take me in Your hands
and make me all that You want me to be
Jesus help me understand my purpose
and what You can do through me
fulfilling my destiny

fulfilling my destiny.

2008-04-04T03:49:00.002+11:00

today's (technically, yesterday, but it definitely feels like today) a really really happy dayyy!!! :)!!

well, apart from the fact that i'm still sick and down with fluuuu, but a cheerful heart is good medicine!! :) and i feel so good already! haha. my nose is still runnning, but i'm trying very hard to catch up with it. heheh.

my dearest dg did something sweet for me again!! yay =) a very nice picture of us and some small notes. argh, nonononono i really dont want them to be so sweet, cos i really dont feel like leaving now!! you know, i'm really very encouraged by them. not because they do sweet stuff for me, but i'm so happy when i see them come together to do something. to bond, to talk, to laugh, and to make their SM super touched. reallyyy.. i hope that even if i do leave, they'll still grow together, and grow closer as a bunch.. to see them growing together is one of the greatest satisfaction i can ever get i think. God has been so, so good. i dont think i'll ever regret being a SM ever again. ana prayed for me during LM too, on behalf of the dg. i really felt like tearing, cos my heart was crumbling and melting inside... how how how now.

Oh God, if you really dont want me to go, show it more more clearly to me. and cause me to be obedient!

of cos, charm and i made elda cry today! heh yay the surprise was a success.! :D elda, we love u very much and you deserve the thanks and all! charm was duper funny esp at the end of the vid. hahaha. you never fail to make me laugh, charmaine! after watching the vid, i am missing u even more!! and i cant believe i wont see u for a year. i want to have DG with youuuuuu!!! :(

mummy is so not for me NOT going though.

"all the water in all the oceans cannot sink a ship unless it gets inside. nor can all the trouble in the world harm us unless it gets within us. that is the promise of Psalm 121: 'The Lord will keep you from all evil'." - Eugene Peterson

this really enlightened me. let the peace of God reign, let the peace of God reign.

2008-04-02T22:06:00.000+11:00

and now, what do we know about Love?

2008-03-27T03:08:00.005+11:00

yayy! wave 2 of celebrations! :D :D i love my 21st!! :)

just came back from a very very enjoyable dinner with my northians gang:

i really enjoyed every every minute spent with them! we just laugh over the silliest things! :D

i'm soo happy to have met up with them, really! makes my bdae more complete! i love the fact that we can laugh over everything and talk about anything under the sun. though we're a funny bunch of people, i feel that we can still talk about serious stuff, and share our hearts and lives. and it's rather rare nowadays to find friends like them whom i can have so much fun with, yet be able to share serious and sincere things with them.

i miss the times we shared deep issues on the train back to amk.. watched movies and ate carrot cakes at marcus' cosy living room (which has sadly turned into an office!). i wont forget the night when daniel came down to my house to comfort me at a very very very down point of my life. and lalang has always been one of the crusaders/people i turn to whenever i need a listening ear. marcus' encouragement note still hangs below my mirror :)

lalang, daniel, me, marcus

the usual clown acts! esp marcus!!

beard papa 'cake' :D

lalang dear and meee

we celebrated dan's bdae too! he treated us to dinner! whee~ it's nice to have a working friend. hahaha. and he presented lalang and marcus with spongebob bags! v.v.v. cute.

the spongebob craze:

(hahaha.. this reminds me of this)

the spongemarcus.

guess whoooo.

*****

i had a HUGE surprise today!! :D:D

dg was supposed to start at 12pm;

at 12.45 i smsed the girls: "are you all coming? your sm is all alone!"

i was getting frustrated that they were all late and some didnt even sms me to tell me! in my mind i was thinking about how i shld 'scold' them and really make it a pt to be punctual and stuff...

then, finally, louisa and ana appeared. haha so i started to 'scold' them. i was duper pek cek by then!

5 minutes later, the rest of the girls came out with the cake! :D hahaha i was really totally surprised!

and they made this for me: (awwwww i was really really really touched)

a surprise from my girls :) :) :)

haha my 'family photo'

(top) yifang, gen gen, ana
(below) louisa, me, sher

:D yummy cake! 5th one!

howhowhow, i was so touched! they came earlier to make the stuff, though they're all busy people. aiya, i was duper duper touched! ahhhh :D how now, i feel really sad that i wont be able to teach them when i go for exchange next semester! :( how how.

2008-03-25T01:43:00.009+11:00

jocelyn is a very very very happy adult now! hahaha :) not cos she is an adult (i dont want to grow old!) but because she feels extremely loved today!

the day started off really really well with a call from LYANNA from ireland!! :D arhhhhhhh i was (and still am) so so so so so so happy and so so so so touched to hear her voice. really miss you very very very much, lyanna lim! :D come back soon!!! old friends are always the very best! :) you're my super duper oldie bestie friend! :D

***
had dinner with elda and deb! :) it was good good, but i was super full from a whole lot of chocolates, cakes and cookies!

us at SPIZZA. francasa?

yummy food set before us :)

though i didnt have a big birthday dinner, i'm v. happy to have spent my bdae with two of my closest crusade friends :D very happy!

CHARMAINE, if only you were here too! it'd be complete!

****
had a nice nice nice surprise from Elda and the Ecomm hippiess! :) so happy! i was really surprised!

elda prayed for me :)

and baked me a really really yumilicious choco cake!

the ecomm hippies! :D

a gift from them :) thanks hippies!

*****

before that, kor, joanna, joel and lydia came to surprise me in school! really caught me by surprise! yay i love surprises :) i'm so happy!

thank you my dearest siblings!!! :D i love you all v.v.v.v.v.v.v. much!

whee! surprise!!

mq, skunk, me and baogong :)
dia, kor and joanna :)

the surprise crewww!

lydia's present and very, very touching card!
(well i kind of forced her to write a card though! hahaha)

i love my strawberry cake!

*****
what i received todayy!

love all the way from my godsis in australia! why 12st??! i still dont understand! haha

onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_RfuaTPVWKy8/R-fG0uGaQUI/AAAAAAAAAw0/34ek4ezEcg4/s1600-h/CIMG3315.JPG">
nicely framed and beautifully done by sarah (and lyanna, since there's your face in it!)
:) really touched :)

this came as a total surprise! from daowei! :) :)
dont know where he flew it from but it's an express post!
:) so, so sweet! i'm really touched!
i dont know if u read my blog, but thank you daowei!

this is from jiawei! haha STARS :D

tatt teddy cards :) from lydia and deb

and many many well wishes from friends :)
jem, dawn, bro boon, vanessa, jason
tab, gavin, bojing, nicole, GRACE CHEN!
huilian, huiqi, josh tong, harold (you rem! :D)
patrick, nat, tracy, pocky, charmaine, SILKEE!
terence, lousia, howard, cindy, kaiting
gabbage, yvonne, jianzheng (arhh!! :)), alvin
ohjix, timothy, AMANDA LEE!, unc HONGG,
char, lalang, alaric, carol, ana, derek
nic, wanlin, haynes, ben, kaihong, howard
yixiang, linette, weijie, meizhen, siangyu
barry, bryan, xin, wes, and SW2104 mates!

thank you for making my 21st a very memorable one!

oh terence and stacey prayed for me in the middle of arts canteen! that was wow. haha.

thank you my dearest family!! and my relatives and cousins! for celebrating my bdae with me yesterday! :) :)

****

the night ended off really well too! layming called from hongkong! i love long-dist calls! it feels extremely heartwarming!! :) i love to eat layz potato chips! haha.

2008-03-24T04:43:00.003+11:00

happy birthday to ME!
happy birthday to ME!
happy birthday to jocelyn!
happy birthday to ME!

okay! i know i am very thick-skinned, but who cares! i'm 21!!!! :D

it's a very very very memorable birthday this year!

had my first birthday song sung by the kids in church! they are sooooooo cuteee! they formed a circle and clapped and sang for me! so happy :)

then, had a great dinner and celebration at ah yee's house. and i shared my testimony! i was really really scared, but i know i must learn to love them in a way that points them to Jesus. and it was such a good opportunity to share with them what God has been doing in my life! mummy cried, awww. i thank God especially for blessing me with a mother like her. and for the rest of my family plus the aunts and ah mah and ah gus as well. i really felt so loved as i remembered all that they have done for me these years! :) very, very blessed!

at 12 midnight, jw came down to celebrate for meeeee!! :) i'm truly blessed and thankful to have such a close friend like him. someone who knows me so well, and has always, always been there for me whenever i need a listening ear. a true friend of my heart :) glad to have spent the last hour of my 20th and the first hour of my 21st with such a good friend! went for a riddeee! i love to be driven around. hahaha..

and of course, not forgetting the call all the way from Australia!! :) i have to thank Liverpool and Man Utd for that, otherwise i think YOU ALL will not be awake, esp YOU. hahaha.. but i'm really really really happy that you all called and gave me my 21st bdae wishes! :D it's never complete without a bdae song from my best friend and my godsis! i miss you all very much!!

SARAH NEO! i'm glad u called me! good time reflecting. hahaha kidding la. you know how much our friendship means to me right! wish LYANNA was here too, then we can celebrate, and with AMANDA LEEEE tooooooo. like last year! rem you owe me an ice cream treat okay! i love you la! dont be angry anymore. hahaha.

had a very nonsense-sy birthday call from derrick liao. hahahaha. shld have expected that. you're so funny and irritating, but i love you derrick LIAO!

and thank you for all the well-wishes, my dearest cousins, saltshakers and crusaderss :) i'm really happy! thank you alaric!!! thank all of you plus plus!

THANK YOU GOD!! :)
did You paint a million stars that i might know Your majesty? :)

2008-03-19T02:52:00.003+11:00

i am on cloud 1009! =D whee! i've got a love love card all the way from Ireland and i'm really really happy nowwwww!!

lyanna lim! thanks for remembering my birthday! i thought you'd be too happy touring that you'd forget my birthday.. but you didnt, and i'm really really touched :) i love you to bits, woman!

:D

2008-03-17T02:55:00.002+11:00

watched Shoes again, and it brought back so so many memories. the filming itself was a very exciting and memorable one. i was kinda depressed writing the suicide letter (i'm sure the rest who played a part in it felt the same way too) and yeah, it took some time to recover.

i'll never forget standing up on the rooftop of Third Place, venturing near the edge in order to feel scared. an attempt to put myself in the shoes of someone there. it's really really scary. it take so much courage to take the deciding step.

yet again, it takes even more courage to stay alive.

thank you God, for giving me hope.

2008-03-13T04:07:00.003+11:00

:) had a good time of DG yet again! yay. i'm starting to look forward to DG! haha a little late. i'm sooo touched that sher and lousia came down for DG despite having macro tests after that. gahh i'm so blessed! :D certainly, i've received much more than i've given.

learnt abt SELF PITY. erm, it's satanic..?

i have a big problem with self pity, and i guess perhaps it's cos i desire the approval of man rather than God. and sometimes, i just demean myself so that i can relieve myself emotionally, and also excuse myself from any area of service the Lord has called me to.

i had a really good and deep talk with Elda on the way home. there are so many things i need to really go think and reflect about, esp about serving in church. and now, more factors to take into consideration.. for exchange.

meanwhile, i shall go back to AH-NO-VAHhhhhh.

2008-03-12T01:57:00.002+11:00

had a good time playing frisbee! it was so 凶 today! really had a lot of fun. i still wish i dont have butter fingers though :] and sorry deb, i kept banging into you! i was marking you that's why..

gahh, sometimes i wish i m more outspoken, or a little more extroverted sometimes. think people will get so shocked seeing this.. i mean i can be crazy and all, but i find it sooo difficult to make new friends. i really really cant bear the initial awkwardness in trying to start conversations. i wish i can be more friendly in that sense and stop being so shy and quiet around strangers. argh, jocelyn liao.. how hard can it be to start a conversation??!! i feel so bad for not being 'welcoming' enough :\

i've heard friends commenting a dozen times that i was so dao when they first met me. gahh.

i guess i'm really different from my father, brother and sister in this aspect. no wonder they seem to have such wide circles of friends, cos they make friends so easily. well, i'm not complaining, i only have my own self to blame.

i actually enjoy being quiet, really.

2008-03-10T01:43:00.003+11:00

"always look on the bright side of life...
but it doesnt mean you're ignorant of the darker side"
- me

what a wise saying. hahaha. okay, sorry.

it's been a good week! thank God for pulling me through all the stressors :)

well, all along i was prepared for this. now that it has happened, i must face it bravely. well, it doesnt hurt that bad; i was reminded that i have to learn to fully submit and surrender to God about this. i thought i did, but it seems like i'm still holding on a little. i got to let go and move on.

okie, always look on the bright side of life!

had a good talk with glenn in church today. PT, in crusade terms. he really makes me feel so mad sometimes, yet he's just too adorable to get angry at for too long. and when i could finally get him to be serious with me, i was so touched when he shared just a little of what God means to him. even though he quickly bounced back to his noisy state, i was really thankful that God showed me just a little of what He has started doing in his heart. and more is to come, i'm sure. and i'm so glad i'll be able to witness it! right now, i just need a lot of patience plus love.

6th time watching The Search. never fails to touch my heart. always brings me back to the Father's great love for me, and how much i dont deserve it. but it's not because of who i am, but who He is. i hope i'll always remember this truth.

2008-03-06T02:03:00.005+11:00

i have abnormal psych test tmr but i feel like blogging! :)

had freshies DG today! it was really good! well, i was really nervous while teaching (as usual), but i really felt so happy to have full attendance today, and to be able to meet up with them after the break! i really really thank God for each of them, for being each a special part of the dg. honestly, i'm always very scared about DG, cos i dont really seem to speak well, and i'm so afraid i wont be able to answer the questions and stuff. but God has been really good, and my girls are so understanding :) and.. i've learnt so much having to prepare for DG! having to really really read up and know the stuff; i think i've learnt so much more now, and i thank God for these opportunities and these girls. i feel rather sad now, cos now that we are closer, the term is coming to an end, and i'd have to say bye to them for one whole term. i'm really really sad about it :(

to shermaine, who has such a hunger for God and His presence that always inspires,
to yifang, who has such a gentle and teachable spirit that warms my heart,
to ana, who brings much joy and laughter into dg and having encouraged me so much with her steps of faith,
to louisa, who has such a desire for His Word and has been so faithfully studying it,
to gen gen, who is ever so sweet and has a child-like faith that brings me (and Him) much joy,
to tiffany, who has always been like a grand daughter to me and has a sincere desire to grow,

thank you all so much, for bringing me much joy and encouragment! :)

since it's an entry to remember DGs, i want to thank God too for my senior dg! :) thank God so so much for elda, who didnt give up one me and dg though there's only ME. i've always feel so loved by you.. and i know that i can ask the silliest questions (i have to ask intelligent questions during freshie dg :P :P :P) and not be afraid of being vulnerable. thank you so much, for affirming me when i needed encouragement, and for correcting me when i needed gentle reminders. and thank you, for being so, so real to me. i love you very much, my SM! and of course, not forgetting charmaine, my dearest dg mate! i really miss you very much! but very weirdly, i feel that we're closer than before, despite being physically further than ever. i really appreciate all those emails you've sent and being able to share with you anything in my emails to you. you've been such a genuine friend and sister to me! :) i love my senior dg tooooooo... <3

and finally, to my V.V. exciting (ahem) dg in church, you all have opened my eyes so much! hahaha. it hasnt been an easy time teaching and connecting with you all (esp growing boys!) but i've learnt much personally, having to ask myself the most basic questions about my faith so that i can communicate these simple but amazing truths to you guys. i really pray that you all will grow in the Lord, and claim this amazing faith for yourselves! though we are still in the period of adjustment, i believe that God has placed each of you into my life as a process of humbling and moulding me. thank you erin, especially, for being a pillar of support, and for being so faithful in the small ways. i'm so glad to be part of your growing process! and to lyds too, who's far far away; one of my greatest blessings as a DGL is to witness how God has been growing you, and i will remember all the times we've shared.

i'm so glad God has called me to this discipleship process, and it has helped me to put my own walk as His disciple into perspective!

"Come follow me, and I will make you fishers of men"

2008-03-04T22:56:00.003+11:00

okay, i'm blogginggggg!!

it's been a really really really busy week, which explains why i havent been blogging. millions of thoughts running through my head and before i can catch them in time. esp, brainstorming for PL2132 really zonked me out. but well, have to hope that our dear tutor doesnt reject our proposal or we can all go bang our heads. never spent so much time on Psychinfo in my whole life.

everyone's been so busy (not just in singapore :P) that i feel that i dont have the time to slow down, and talk and spend time with people. constantly on the move. but well, i had a rather good talk with a brother today, and though i have absolutely no answers to whatever that's bothering him, i hope my listening ear helped. and the prayer too, of course.

the easter party is coming up, but we're lagging behind the deadlines by a lot, a lot. sometimes i start to wonder if all the hard work's going to be worth it. a faith target of 40; sure requires a lot a lot a lot of faith. but i told God that if that's just one person who will get to know Christ better, i think it'll all be worth the effort :)

i dont like to brainstorm :(

moving back to Public Mansion is going to be a whole new thing for the youths. it can be a good thing i guess, now that we can stay back for a longer time, instead of rushing out at 1pm. and PM's the place i love, where i feel so attached to, always. even though there are a lot of xiao qiangs. i miss the classroom and the curtains; our cosy corner. i miss playing TT there, though i know i'm bad at it. i miss hiding behind the pillars playing drums, cos the stress is halved (LOL). i miss the old old LYFE board, though we've been called Saltshakers for the past ??? years. hahaha. and we dont have to run down for tea anymore! just a few steps away.

back to our cosy corner. but i hope we're still moving out of our comfort zones, spiritually.

2008-02-25T04:31:00.002+11:00

"in quietness and trust is your strength" Isaiah 30:15

the practice of being quiet and still before Him. being quiet, literally.

choosing to stay silent when fears and pain are overwhelming your heart.
choosing not to lash out when you have the 'right' to.
choosing NOT to do anything when you have every reason to fight for your injustice.
choosing to be quiet even when it means being seen as being vulnerable.

oh, God considers it strength. because it shows you trust in Him, only Him.

2008-02-23T14:23:00.002+11:00

Faith is the only thing that will ever close the gap between our theology and reality.

".. like them [the Israelites], we can be dramatically delivered from bondage [of sins], leave our Egypts [our old selves] and yet never make it to our Promised Land.. you and i can be safely tucked in the family of God and have full assurance of a heavenly inheritance without ever occupying the land of God's fulfilled promises on earth.." Believing God by Beth Moore

i was so enlighted when i read this. over the last few years, i've been struggling so much to really live the life God has purposed for me to live. i feel like i've known so much theology, but when it comes to reality (time to exercise my faith muscles), i buckle under pressure and disappointments and i start to wonder if i ever did believe.

Oh God, what if this... what if that.. but i fear this.. and i fear that..

[Beth Moore continues] "Promised Land theology becomes an earthbound reality only to those who cash in their fear and complacency for the one ticket out of their long-inhabited wilderness.."

i dont want just to live a Christian life, i want to live a victorious Christian life. i want to see all the promises in the Word of God fulfilled in my life. but all these require steps of faith, the need to release the fears that i've stuffed in secret, fearing that my fears would come true.

our greatest witness is when our faith becomes active; then our light starts to really shine.

2008-02-23T14:14:00.002+11:00

"This is what the Lord says-
he who made you,
formed you in the womb,
and who will help you;
Do not be afraid, Jacob, my servant,
Jeshurun, whom I have chosen,
For I will pour water on the thirsty land,
and streams on the dry ground."
- Isaiah 44:2-3

2008-02-21T11:51:00.003+11:00

the twisted human heart :\ i'm reminded once again how stubborn we are. how many times we have heard from Him, yet we choose to openly disobey Him. may He bring our human pride low, low, so that He may be glorified. i've also come to learn one thing: why faith isnt based on what we can see, or the circumstances around us. How many times have we prayed for stuff and even when God answers our prayers, we'll just be thankful to Him for a while, but those thanksgiving will then be soon forgotten, and when hardships come, we start to doubt where He is, completely forgetting about the things He once blessed us with.

we're very, very forgetful people.

and so, true faith is based on what is unseen, not what is seen.

used to think tha the Israelites were really forgetful and ungrateful people, but i guess we're all the same.

3 words have been resounding over and over in my head ever since i heard it from von:

STOP DATING GOD.

it's time to start seriously thinking about what it means to fear God.

2008-02-15T21:54:00.005+11:00

happy belated V-day!

hope everyone felt especially loved yesterday. not only on Feb 14th, but everyday :) well it was a pretty boring V-day for a single like me; spent it at lecture till 8pm. but i got my mother a bunch of small flowers and a card and it made me happy. and i wrote emails to the two friends i love the most, and it made me really happy too.

love, love, love. i didnt feel especially lonely yesterday, but as i was hurrying to school today, i took some time to think about stuff. it feels quite sad sometimes, especially when the people around u receive roses and cute bears, but i realize too that i must learn to be content only in God alone. until i am a complete person in Him, i wont be able to fully "accept" someone into my life, cos then the desire for intimacy will be misplaced onto the guy. so, while waiting for The One, i need to strive to become the One too, and seek to walk rightly with Him first before anything else. not easy sometimes, but we're all learning.

how loosely we use those three words- a random thought.

i'm a few pages to the end of Disappointment with God, and i'm enlightened by what Philip Yancey puts across in the book; and amazed by how complex God's Word is- we can read it so many times (and think that it's boring to read yet again), but there's always something new to learn, to reflect upon and to apply.

i cant really remember exactly what i've learnt, cos there are too many new thoughts i've come across. but one thing that really struck me was that the greatest "disappointment" was the moment God turned away when Jesus gave up his last breath.

"My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"

it was a moment of abandonment, the pain that the Father and the Son had to go through, despite Jesus pleading three times that the suffering be taken away from Him. it was just heart-wrenching even to read; i kept thinking about my own disappointments, my own problems, and how God didnt seem to understand how i feel, but He did. the greatest disappointment and pain in history was finished at the Cross. true love was demonstrated in this: Jesus going through the moment of "disappointment", of pain... God took on human form and went through all these, so that the gap between us and Him can be bridged. if anyone has a reason to be disappointed or bitter at anything, it would be Jesus.

The Old Testament writes of God's loving pursuit of His people. How He walked with Adam right from the beginning, and how He led the Israelites out of Egypt, being a pillar of cloud by day and fire by night. one other thing that struck me was that Power does not bring Love. God "showed" Himself and talked to His people in the olden days, sent manna from heaven, "proved" His presence throught the miracles and plagues in Egypt.. i used to feel that it's unbelievable why the Israelites still turned their backs on Him, worshipped other gods, betrayed the Lover, even though He was so real. but they all go to prove that true faith and love is not in what is seen...The Israelites only ended up fearing the Lord, afraid of His presence and in the end, rejecting the Lord.. Power often leads to fear, but there is no fear in love, and so, the faith of the Israelites indeed did not last long enough.

perfect love drives out all fear.

God desired a relationship, not using His power through signs and miracles, to demand love from His creation. God desires true love.

and in the most ultimate way, He demonstrated His love by taking human form, closing the gap between us and Him- literally. and through His Sacrifice, we can love Him freely today. The spectacle of the Cross reveals the vast difference between a god who proves himself by power and the One who proves himself through love. love is most persuasive when it involves sacrifice, and that's why He came.

greater love has no man than this- that one lay down his life for his friends.

perhaps all these do not directly explain the disappointments and sufferings in life, but nothing, nothing beats receiving this Love because it brings along with it a great promise:

God who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all.. if God is for us, who can be against us?

the Cross that brings hope- a God who loves us that much, will bring everything- all the pains, hurts, questions, bitterness included- to a good purpose in the end.

i know i may still struggle to understand why certain things happen or did not happen, like a microbe on the microscopic slide demanding an explanation of why the Universe operates in such a manner. sometimes God doesnt explain simply cos we are too limited in our "wisdom" to comprehend His wisdom. but it suffices to know that God truly loves His creation - us- and He is ultimately the One in control, always.

and so, i feel dearly loved today.

****

i had a very enlightening and deep talk with Elda today, and i thank God so so so so much for blessing me with this SM and for blessing her with so much wisdom.

****

"even if your youth group has just 10 people, strive to be 10 Christians that truly glorify God."

enough said.

2008-02-13T02:06:00.000+11:00

it's been awfully gloomy nowadays. a Cold War is taking place at home (of which i am dragged into); studying emodifies me; in church; the absence of joy in my Christian life right now.

have been facing many disappointments lately, so i decided to read Philip Yancey's Disappointment with God, a rather depressing book at the start, but as he explains and explores the Old Testament, it has helped me to see OT in a very, very different light. i'm totally amazed at the new discoveries, and i'm starting to see God and His r/s with us in a very different perspective. i'm halfway through the book, and we shall see how things turn out in the end.

i need to bring myself to my knees to pray and surrender, but i'm too afraid to do so.

so the past few days have been 非常地不好.

still, i thank God for the little things that make me smile, like having a very cute disciple whom i have been distributing mags with, and having a very sweet and caring godsister who has been with me through every part of this gloomy period.

or the TVB drama serial, which brings me out of reality for 45 minutes. watching TV used to be really noisy for my mom, sis and i, but now it's down to me laughing at the TV, and the TV laughing at me.

2008-02-11T22:56:00.001+11:00

decided to delete the previous entry. i shld learn to keep my own problems to myself. lest it stumbles others. haha. oh well. i dont have much to say now, cos i cant think of anything else but the problem at hand. nevertheless, to brighten up the bloggi-sphere, here are some photos:

yvonne, roy, kor, joel and i met up for a while on sunday :) it was pretty good, cos i havent seen joel and roy for the longest time. we had yummy food: toast at Ah Wang, chicken rice at selegie, and (v.nice) beancurd plus youtiao..

my ah mah and i!

roy looks very much the same :D dumb! hahaha.

so cheeky.

a random shot at hme.

i chose the shirt kor is wearing!! hahaha.

2008-02-10T04:56:00.001+11:00

the little things that bring a smile to my face :)

;

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
good nite joce (:
have fun in church tmr

and if you do die tmr, know that your godsister loves you tremendously (:

wonder ★ ♥ says:
haha crazy girl

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
lol.. that sounded so matter-of-factly

wonder ★ ♥ says:
yeah like u know i will die tmr
ahahaha
okay la, go sleep

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
haha

wonder ★ ♥ says:
i feel better after talking u alrdy

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
kk careful please
dun slip
don't fall

wonder ★ ♥ says:
..
YES!
i wont la
haha

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
don't walk into the path of moving cars

wonder ★ ♥ says:
...

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
dun stab urself with a plastic knife
BYE (:
o yea
don't slash ur wrists

wonder ★ ♥ says:
...
BYE LA!

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
it'll only make u bleed and leave u in pain
with no satisfaction what so ever.

wonder ★ ♥ says:
hahaha you're nuts

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
BYE (

wonder ★ ♥ says:
go sleep

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
(:

wonder ★ ♥ says:
byee! love u!

jerusha † living in freedom. says:
love you too

;;

talk about being naggy/long-winded/nonsensical :D

and noo, i wasnt thinking of taking my life. i just mentioned that life is unpredictable; dont know when the Lord may take me away. it could be tmr. and so started the long conversation abt dying and eulogies. haha.

2008-02-09T12:55:00.000+11:00

happy new year everyone! :)

my siblings and i @ ahmah's house

my cousin and i :D

she's gg to Saudi Arabia soon, so she has to dress up like that when she's over there :s

****

it's a boring day at home with my Lifespan Textbook today, after slacking and relaxing for two whole days (it's justified).

with V-day coming up, i'm starting to think (again) what love truly means. when you say, "i love you"- what does it really really mean. how fickle men (and women) are; one moment we can say we love this person, but when that person is no longer "available" or there for you, we pick the next one that happens to come our way, and we say the same, "i love you" to him/her. if love is about availability, then it isnt love at all. i'm just saddened by how fickle we (i myself included) can get.

(i was just a little emodified when alaric called me out of the blue to ask me if my parents went to the florist to get flowers.. ??!!) my father's car plate no. starts with SGN! :P hahaha.

i need some random things here and there to spice up my boring day.

:\ frustrated.

2008-02-04T01:13:00.000+11:00

:) reunion dinner at ah yee's house! was really a feast! yum yum.

celebrated lydia's and mingzhang's bdaes.

THE CAKE IS SO PINK!
i was so amused.

cousins :)

my famileeee

my cute father and his cute daughter (HEH)

****

decisions, decisions, decisions.

really need to pray that the Lord will give me the wisdom to make the right decisions. and a humble heart and submissive spirit to obey wherever he leads me. currently i'm still unsure if i will finally go to melbourne, though i'm more for going. like what yvonne said, i feel like i need to get out of singapore for a little while. i dont exactly know why. i just hope i'm not trying to escape or run away from stuff.

****

anyway i went to von's house for high tea! it was so, so good to catch up! i missed her so much! and her earl gray teaaa. and the biscuits. and simply chatting in the comfort of her bedroom. and the weather was soo good! :) we had such a good talk; i just couldnt stop smiling and laughing and being amused at ourselves.. i havent had such a good talk with someone since sha left. haha. i just felt so happy and blessed to be able to have a friend and sister like her whom i can talk so freely to :) :) spilled many beans. hahaha. lol. i still am quite amused at the silly things i shared.

brought back certain funny, sweet, lovely memories too.

****

i need Zzzzz...

2008-02-01T02:13:00.000+11:00

CHARMAINE!
i will miss you very much!

****

met up with harold khooo today! :) was really really really good to see him after soo long. still the same old khoo. haha. he's happier though, after ORD. i'm glad to see that he's not tired and groaning for once. hahaha. and he's actually one of the few old friends i dont mind meeting alone; i usually meet old friends in threes at least, cos i'm really scared of awkwardness.! but khoo and i have been friends for so long, i wasnt even a little scared. just very happy! :)

he'll be off to cambridge soon though. gahh, another goodbye :\

"lao zhong we miss u very much. hurry come backk!!"

****

i realize that so many of my closer friends are not in singapore. i'll end up missing so many people. gahhh :(

****

on a very random note, it's not that i dont value my friendships.. i'm just a very selective person when it comes to friendships (well, we all are.. one way or another) and i choose to 'invest' my life in those that matter most to me.. i guess, that's why many friends come and go in my life, but those few who stick it out with me are usually my oldest friends, and i value them very much. well, it's a good and bad thing, cos i know that i'm not a friendly person in some sense, but to me, quality is always better than quantity. though i dont have many many friends, i have a few close friends and i'm thankful and happy to stay this way.

****

oh and i've decided to go on with my application to uni of melbourne.

1. i prayed about going to melbourne, and since the Lord has opened this door for me, i will go in faith.
2. i believe that it will be a good time of resting in Him and seeking Him about certain issues
3. my best friend and godsis are great driving forces (i miss i miss!)
4. i am 90% done with my application!
5. i think my absence will do SS some good
6. i want to see a nightsky full of beautiful stars and the never-ending beach
7. singapore is getting a little hot

it's all up to Him now..

2008-01-31T02:26:00.000+11:00

:) today was a really fruitful day! a day well spent in school even though i had no free day. every day commited to the Lord is a day well spent :) richly blessed!

had my first dgg :) haha as charmaine said, all the stuff that i was worried abt didnt come true. well excpt that 2 of my girls couldnt make it, but other than that, everything went on fine. i was so (surprisingly!) glad to see all of them after soo long, and really encouraged that ana came all the way despite the fact that the total travel time for her to and fro > dg time. and it was soo good to see all the girls :) and to hear them share and stuff.

well, we have rather unearthly time slot for dgs, but well, i'm still glad that the girls are willing to make the sacrifice of coming down early and on free days and stuff. may the Lord bless each of them so richly, because they chose to put Him first.

went around vision casting as E-commer. it was pretty good, though i was really nervous at the start. but i had so much things to say, i didnt have the time to be nervous. hahaha. but it was good la. it got ME excited at least. wah, it's gonna be a big thing! :D really need to pray that everyone will catch the heart of Nakedi!

had smag after everything. i thought i would be really tired, but it went on well :) all the SMs shared openly, and we learnt from one another. went through the love, sex, community questions. really really thought provoking. i chose to answer a really really interesting question that bother(ed) me for quite some time *winks. hahahaha. anyway it was really fun! look forward to having the discussion with my dg too.

last but not least, i got time to catch up with other crusaders, like dawnn and of cos my dearest SM and dg mate! charmaine, i cant believe u'll be gone so soooon. gahh! thanks so much for all your encouragement and support. i'll miss you terribly, terribly when you're gone, esp when i drink milo. haha.

and so, it was a afternoon (well spent) at the crusade corner! :)

***

had korean food with carol and alaric at chinatown. it was good, good. authentic korean food. haha reminded me of CM, and all the food we kept in the hotel room. and reminded me of my dear roomies. anyway, the food was really yummy, but a bit too much. had desert after walking like 20000 rounds around chinatown night market. hahaha.

was nice to meet up with them, after so longgg!! :) glad we're still comfy around one another. i guess that's cos we've been friends for the longest time. how much we've grown since the p5 days. carol's at melbourne, and alaric's gg to melbourne in june tooo, so yay i will have wonderful company over there! hope to go over with alaric or smthng. and he can cook very well, so that's double yay for a person who cant cook for nuts.

***

plus, a phone call from australia! though it was short, it was good to hear a familiar chicky voiceee :)

i miss!

***

on a side note, today i received the ST challenge. but of cos, i cant even consider it, cos i will most prob be away next sem. well, but it did make me think a little. i know i'm not up to it anyway.. but it reminded me of my MOE teaching award thing. how i gave it up like the day before cos i felt God calling me down another path (till now, unknown).

it's the little things that make me wonder if i really shld go to melbourne. i thought nothing will stop me (unless God does not will) but i'm starting to hesitate little by little. like saltshakers. things will be hard when so many of us leave at the same time, though i know that God will surely provide. my DG in church.. i've just started teaching them, and argh i dont want to leave just when we're starting to get comfy with each other (not yet, but soon i pray!).. my family.. my girls in crusade, my DG (charmaine will be back :]).. these are places where God has placed me and grown me through all the struggles i face.

someone told me that some ppl in crusade actually gave up exchange opportunities just for crusade/church. i was rather surprised when i heard that though, but now i kinda understand a bit.

oh well.

hahaha jocelyn's indecisiveness is dangerous!

2008-01-30T04:33:00.000+11:00

i'm gg to have my first dg (for this sem) soon! i'm really nervous. hahaha. i havent seen the girls for such a long time! this is like the biggest thing on my mind right now. *scratches head

:) received a letter from australiaaaa! i'm thankful it didnt get lost somewhere in the Ocean :) well it really made my day(s).

we had frisbee just now! it was a good good time of exercise and fun. charles and derek are really funny people. hahaha i cant describe how amused i was. anyway i fell down again. what's new. sometimes i think i fall down so frequently (everyday) that i'm no longer embarassed. i'm so used to tripping and slipping that it's like part of my daily routine. tsk tsk.

***

i'm taking Microbes this semester, and as dry as it seems, i actually enjoy studying it sometimes. i enjoy studying Biology, cos the more i realize how precise and specific each of our cells are, how intricate the workings of the body/microbes, the more amazed i am at God's creation. how can such be simply a result of evolution. He is real.

*

i'm actually in a rather dry period of my Christian walk right now. i dont know why too. i'm desperate to have the joy of my salvation restored. i desire to desire Him. but i feel dry, dry, dry. and i dont know why, why why. but i know that He is real, and that He hears all my needs and understands all the frustrations i am going through, despite how i may feel.

i need a personal touch from You again.

fresh wind, fresh power.

2008-01-26T00:08:00.001+11:00

SHA: i miss u a lot a lot. hope u are settling down fine over there.

we went to send off sha and family today at the airport. it's the 3rd time i've been to the airport in the week. i really dont like the feeling of saying goodbye, and watching my friends enter the gates, with their backs turned towards me..

the "final impact" came today. it just rained for me on the car home. now that even sha is gone, i really feel very weird. like nothing to look forward to everyday. yeah, my books perhaps :(

i really want to go to Melbourne for exchange now :(

janelle (is that how it's spelt?) is really cute.

i love it when she calls me, "jie jie duck duck"

sha, i'll miss those times i could cry on your shoulder freely.

and i'll miss those times we can grab each other's hands like little girls.

we're odd sized. lol.

birds of different feathers can flock together too.
always remember that :)

i love you very much, sha sha ho.

----

PC msged me and encouraged me with 1 Peter 5:7; he said that some of them (desmond, PC and wayne) noticed that i've been looking down lately.

i do? i dont know.. i havent been to crusade corner very much since the start of the semester. somehow i just feel like withdrawing to my shell a little. i cant attend LMs or HotR, and i'm having a hard time finding a timeslot for my dg.. feeling a little out of touch with crusade in general i guess.

anyway, that was really nice of them..

i guess i'm having a little "withdrawal" symptoms already.. suddenly i wont be seeing my closest friends everday. it's just weird and i need time to get used to it :(

gahh, jocelyn liao! be strong!

2008-01-24T01:41:00.000+11:00

i'm really happy today!~

1. call frm my best friend in australia
2. very interesting cell
3. free day!
4. got to see all my lovely cell girls!

:)

yay ok i'm out of here.

back to health psych.

2008-01-23T02:25:00.000+11:00

really random photos :) all we did the past few days!

dinner at mos! :)

at bowling :)

playing risk at tab's house :)

at the fountain near my house

we're trying to imitate how lydia smiles at the camera. quite successful eh.

farewell dinner last wed

some random photo of the HOs and i

---

the holidays just went by in a flash! now it's back to the books. well though i dont really detest studying, i really dread doing projects and all the papers :( oh well hope this sem will fly by equally fast.

havent really spent quality time with God over the last two weeks; had to spend some time confessing and praying again and again. made me realize how my heart tends to wander away everyday, and the Flesh Woman is struggling to take control of my life each day. i guess that's why we need to spend time with God everyday. it's essential, or i'd find myself losing my way as days pass by.

2008-01-20T01:40:00.000+11:00

went to play pool, arcade and bowl at safra today with sha, tab, gavin and lydia. havent bowled for ages. i was last! but at least, i had a strike once! :D lol.

isaac has gone back home to australia. it feels unusually quiet somehow. i cant believe i was still complaining how noisy he was two days ago, but now, i miss his nonsense and noise :( it just feels so different.

it takes just one person to make all the difference.

i'm really really glad sha is still here, though it'd only be for a week. but it makes a lot of difference too. less flooding on my bed. the full impact will come next friday. i think i'd bawl my eyes out.

2 years of uncertainty. who knows what is around the corner? i think things will be really really different when they return two years later.. it's really difficult to keep long distance friendships. unless both sides really commit their whole hearts into keeping the friendship.

i've thrown my 155% into these friendships.

2008-01-18T05:05:00.000+11:00

my tonsils are killing me :\
i cant allow myself to be so weak.

i'll be strong too. i can try. i can try to be the friend you're proud of.

i dont like my emotions to be written all over my face. i dont want to be read so easily. sometimes it's good to hide them, for the benefit of the people around me.

i must wear a smile on my face =D

i have a great ability to amuse myself!

always look on the bright side of life! =)

2008-01-14T15:08:00.000+11:00

:) have waited long for this day! :) welcome back the hos. haha.

it was sooooooo amusing yesterday night. first we got to the airport a little too early, then when we finally waited till 12.50, we found out the flight was delayed for an hour! we were getting really cranky. hahaha. played silly games and chatted while waiting. well, it was a good wait. we laughed so hard when we saw sha and isaac walking around with the Vietnamese hat. lol.

btw, i didnt keep harping on the fact that we waited so long so that you would know how good your friends are, but how much you all mean to us.

a friend of mine :) sent me this poem, which really really touched my heart. reminded me of something that i read some time ago.. it goes something like this: having faith is like walking through the huge jungle with the Guide. you may keep asking Him where you are heading and when you can get out, but He simply says, "do not ask, do not doubt, just follow me". and He simply shows you a step at a time, as you cling onto Him to bring you through. faith rests in not knowing what is lying ahead, but in knowing whose hand is leading you through. faith is not knowing the directions in life, but in trusting He who directs.

anyway, here's the poem:

Just Enough Light

Sometimes only the step I'm on,
or the very next one ahead,
is all that is illuminated for me.

God gives just the amount of light I need
for the exact moment I need it.
At those times I walk in surrender to faith,
unable to see the future
and not fully comprehending the past.

And because it is God who has given me
what light I have,

I know I must reject the fear
and doubt that threaten to overtake me.
I must determine to be content where
I am, and allow God to get me
where I need to go.

I walk forward,
one step at a time,
fully trusting that
the light God sheds
is absolutlely sufficient.

--Stormie Omartian

*****

i've started a blog to write my reflections from reading the Word. it's my new year resolution to finish the Bible in 2 years! and i thought i'd like to keep a record of what i read. so do drop by if you're free(it's linked) and i hope you'll learn something as well. more importantly, i pray that you will believe in the life-changing power of the Word of God.

btw, it's named Just Enough Light :)

2008-01-12T18:15:00.000+11:00

one more day! :)

looked through the photos that i collected for isaac. most of them were photos taken in aust, and as i looked at them, i couldnt help smiling (and sometimes laughing!).. could sense the happiness in their eyes and smiles. though i am not a part of their life in aust, i still cant help but feel happy for them. happy that they've found good and true friends. happy cos they're happy. it's a very weird kind of feeling though.

anw, thank God cos my tutor agreed to write the referral letter for me :) and i'll be going to RJ on mon to meet mrs tan to give her the details of the second referral letter. yay. really thank God for answering my prayers for referral letters.

while busying myself through SEP stuff, i cant help but start to feel a tad sad. as much as i'm truly excited about the short "getaway", i cant imagine how it'd be like to be 4-5 months away from home. leaving the saltshakers, leaving friends, and leaving my family. i will not be used to not having my sister around, and all her noise and nonsense. not used to not hearing my mother nag. and i will miss my bro, who will be in HK for exchange too.. and i'll have to learn to do some SIMPLE cooking, and washing etc etc. uh huh uh huh. okay, it's too early to say; maybe i wont make it past uni of melb's side.

had a good time of tennis at waynes' house :) haha went there especially to spend more time with charmaine, my dearest dg mate, who will be flying off to germany soon! :( i'll be really sadddd.. dg wont be the same without you, charmie!
anw, i'm really bad at tennis! lol. i'm reminded of the period (five years ago) when we used to play almost everyday at sha's house. lol

*****

recent dg outings:

freshmen dg :)- ana, louisa, yifang and me
(half of the dg absent)

senior dg- jem, me, charmie and elda
+ charmie's freshmen dg

had a fun time of boardgames!

haha charmie's enjoying it, i know!

elda, charmie and meee.

tata!

2008-01-11T16:39:00.000+11:00

it's friday already! two more days and the hohohos will be back! definitely looking forward to monday morning!! :)

i'm so glad that i've got a chance to slack today! dont have to go out or do anything. spent the morning preparing for cell, watching tv, had lunch with papa and monitoring the cors. argh, my bidding really screwed up big time. i'm either going to be really broke, or have a very weird timetable.. oh well, it'll turn out fine, somehow :)

I GOT SELECTED FOR UNI OF MELBOURNE!!!

YIPPIEEEE!!

i hope i get past all the application on melbourne's side. i cant seem to get my referral letters done :\ well i believe they will be done somehow!

thinking back on the whole waiting process; it was terrible waiting for the results. mostly cos i wanted so much to go to australia (cos of all my dearest friends and all the nice stuff i've heard about aust).. but deep down, i was really afraid how i would take it if i didnt make to australia. it was so, so hard to surrender this to God, honestly. really had to pray and confess, pray and surrender. i dont know if i completely surrendered, but i know He understands my desire to.

in my whole life, i've never really wanted something badly. whether it was going to a particular school, or any kind of competition i joined, i never wanted to win badly, or desperate to achieve something. i like to excuse myself as being a lazy and laidback person, but i think all along, i'm just afraid of falling and failing. so i never dared to want something badly. i dont want to be too disappointed. the higher i climb, the greater i fall; the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointments. but this time, i really wanted to go on exchange, and exchange to melbourne, so i was really afraid that i would be really bitter at Him if i didnt make it..

what does it really meant to surrender all my will and my desires, my hopes and plans? what does it mean to die to myself? have been wondering about these questions recently.

George Muller once wrote, "There was a day when i died.. utterly died.. I died to George Muller- his opinions, his preferences, tastes and will- died to the world, its approval or censure- died to the approval or blame even of my brethren and friends- and since then i have studied only to show myself approved unto God"

i pray that one day, i will be able to utterly die to Jocelyn Liao.

i know that to me, going on exchange to melbourne spells an exciting adventure ahead. but in God's infinite wisdom, He might choose to place me somewhere else or even close the door to exchange, for my good. for something better. i wonder if i'd be able to hold on fast to this truth in this if i'm actually faced with the disappointment though. in any case, i really thank God for opening this door for me :)

2008-01-09T01:38:00.000+11:00

HOHOHOs! pls come back soon! i miss u all v.v. muchhh!!

***

went to ECP to cycle with lyanna and sarah :) cheers to our 7 years of friendship :)

reliving our childhood :)

we attempted to take a picture of us jumping. but it was such a failure :P

lyanna's down.

sarah's down.

okay i'm down too.

had a great time =)

2008-01-07T00:42:00.000+11:00

:/went to send off isaac and sha just now. like lydia said, i'm really thankful it's going to just be a week. i'm really not used to NOT seeing them at least once a day. i miss them very much!

seriously, time flies. especially in decemeber.

would things be the same 6-7 years from now? will you become just a memory to me?

okay, i'm getting a little emotional here. i'm not emo -.-''

sha, what you said to me last night made me really sad. though i also know that things will be different when you go back.. but it just makes me so sad to hear it from someone else. like some kind of confirmation. it's true that you wont be flying back to singapore every december for the rest of your life, but.. cant things not go down the inevitable path, just for us?
my dear godsis, you'll be my most faithful friend for a lifetime :)

always remember that.

and you, the friend i love most, does it hurt you when i say those words too? i think that in time to come, there will be people who make better friends, but i promise i'll guard the special place you have in my heart. i wont let you become just another memory. i wont.

six to seven years from now, i dont want us to be just this close. may the Lord guard and bless our friendships so richly that we'll inch closer and closer to each other's hearts in the years to come.

2008-01-05T18:07:00.000+11:00

a different blogskin; a change of mood.

it's pouring like mad on a beautiful saturday :(
feeling super lousy nowwwwwwwwwww...

rain, rain, go away..
come again another day.

let's stop quarelling/having cold wars.
there isnt much time left.